Ask Amy: Son declines invitation with a lie
You might convey to him that you don’t intend to apply pressure, but that these family members would all love to see him and his wife.
You could ask him, “Is there a reason you don’t want to get together with the extended family?” It’s unlikely that he will choose to be completely candid with you. Regardless of what he says, you should then tell him, “Well, everybody loves and misses you.” And then you should do your best to move on.
Dear Amy: I’m disappointed that my sons, both in their 40’s, do not seem to remember my birthday unless they are told to.
I acknowledge their birthdays. as well as the birthdays of their spouses and children.
I don’t expect gifts from them -- just an acknowledgment, without being prodded by someone in the family.
My husband says not to take it personally, but I do.
Am I too sensitive?
– Disappointed in California
Dear Disappointed: A person’s birthday is the very definition of “personal,” and that’s why people tend to feel happy when they’re remembered and celebrated, and sad when they’re forgotten, especially when they’re forgotten by their own offspring.
I actually agree with your husband that the best way not to feel bad about something you know is going to happen is to anticipate it and to make a choice not to take it personally.
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