Ask Amy: Merry Sunshine can’t continue to smile
Over the years, however, I have gotten a lot of treatment and am no longer ruled by my past. Stella, however, is still not well and whole.
She very much wants to spend more (and more and more) time with me, but I find being around her these days to be both annoying and painful.
We are in a group of moms who have known each other all these years, our kids grew up together, and she lives very nearby, so there is no cutting her loose.
I don't want to hurt her, but also can't think of anything I could say to explain my withdrawal that wouldn't be really hurtful to her.
Your thoughts?
– Concerned
Dear Concerned: Give your friend love with limits.
You have known one another for a quarter century. Your lives are both likely entering a transition period, as your children move into adulthood.
Be kind, firm, and truthful: “I wish I could be there for you in the way you need, but I can’t. You and I have both had such steep hills to climb. My therapy helped me so much. I wish the same for you.”
Understand that because of her extreme neediness, even the most gentle truth might be hard for her to take.
...continued
