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Ask Amy: Pup’s passing will bring on sister-drama

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

I didn't want to appear greedy. We have no regular interaction of any kind.

Should I just accept the invitation and not expect an honorarium because he is extended family?

I feel a bit awkward asking about receiving payment for my services.

What do you think?

– Pondering Pianist

Dear Pianist: If you don’t ask to be paid or discuss payment, you will most likely not be paid.

 

This payment should not be considered “an honorarium,” but an exchange of money for your hard work and professional service. An honorarium is offered for services for which no price is expected or set. You are a professional musician, and this is a gig.

You should be very specific and professional in your response to your second cousin. Doing so will eliminate stress and confusion later.

Here is sample wording (you would fill in your own details): “For weddings, I will play before and during the ceremony – if you want – and for two hours during the cocktail time and dinner.

If you hire a DJ, they should take over after dinner and during the dancing. My normal fee is $XXX plus a meal and travel expenses. I’d be happy to give you the ‘family discount’ and charge $XXX for the evening. Let me know if this is acceptable and I’d be happy to discuss music choices with you. Congratulations – I’m honored to be asked to perform at your wedding.”

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