ArcaMax

Dear Amy: I am a woman in my 70s. I do not understand why women in their 30s think they can treat their elders with disrespect.

I had two unkind mothers-in-law but I wouldn’t have dreamed of being rude to them or “telling them off” because they were my elders — the mothers of my husbands, and the grandmothers of my children and grandchildren.

I was taught to show respect to elders and, unless someone was abusive to me or others, to allow other elders to correct the children, if needed.

Is this a generational thing, that young family members can be rude to us, take offense about petty issues, and ignore or refuse to speak to us even after we have apologized for the smallest “offense”?

I have several friends who are experiencing the same issues with their daughters-in-law.

We are kind and compassionate elders who are not unreasonable, demanding, or mean. We are not difficult people, having lived long lives of being respectful to co-workers, family members, friends, neighbors and strangers. We are the first to acknowledge our flaws and apologize.

I have taught women’s classes on assertiveness in my profession, but this is not assertiveness. It is aggression.

I’d appreciate your thoughts.

– Disrespected

Dear Disrespected: I do think you’re onto something regarding tension between millennials and boomers. It certainly surfaced during the pandemic, when (by my observation) millennials sought to control their parents, who – in their opinion – were not taking risks to themselves and others seriously enough.

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