ArcaMax

Dear Amy: My divorced 45-year-old son, who lives 3,000 miles away, has been keeping a big secret from me for a year: He has a baby daughter and I have a baby granddaughter.

I received a letter with photographs (the resemblance is undeniable) from his then girlfriend, the baby's mother, who is a lovely professional woman with her own business. She asks nothing of me or from me. She wants me to know I am welcome to visit the baby and be a part of the baby's life, if I so choose (which I do).

She has asked my son to tell me about the baby several times. He refused. She felt I had the right to know.

The pregnancy was a surprise to both of them. He wanted her to terminate the pregnancy, and she didn't, so he walked out. He has nothing to do with the baby or her mother, who went through the pregnancy and childbirth alone.

I do not know if he contributes any child support.

Meanwhile, he has asked/pressured me three times to get rid of my generation-skipping trust ... with no personal explanation. I did not.

I thought my son and I had a close relationship. I stood by him through several years of a nightmare divorce. He is my only living child (his brother passed away at 19). The baby is my only biological grandchild.

My former husband abandoned us; we don't even know where he is. I am remarried to a wonderful man and through him I am blessed with a loving stepfamily (four grandkids).

My son has either no conscience or a selective conscience, and he is very self-righteous.

I fear the choice to acknowledge my baby granddaughter could end my relationship with my son. I am sad, angry, and ashamed of him.

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