Ask Amy: Enjoy the lunch, but hold the private details
Dear Amy: I will be turning 60 this year, and have noticed a sort of trend among many of my friends, acquaintances, and co-workers.
It seems like every time we get together, someone starts to talk about a loved one who is very ill, dying, or has died.
This often sets off a morbid competition of who can come up with the most heartbreaking -- and graphic -- details.
Obviously, we're all at an age where we've experienced this type of loss. Both my parents and three of my siblings have passed on, but I would never reveal details of their deaths in a casual, mixed-company setting.
If we're out having drinks before a concert, at a baby shower, or in the lunchroom at work, I'd rather not hear about a beloved aunt's courageous but losing battle with cancer.
I'm not an unsympathetic person -- quite the opposite. But there is a time and place to reveal this sort of personal information.
My question is: How would you handle this tricky social situation without coming across as a callous jerk?
My next question: Am I being a callous jerk?
-- Buzz-killed in Boston
Dear Buzz-killed: I don't know if I would call you a callous jerk, mainly because you got there before me. I exaggerate, but I do believe you sound ... intolerant.
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