ArcaMax

-- Upset

Dear Upset: I agree that the children in the family should not have personal contact with your stepfather, unless another adult is with them. You and your sister could explain to them that you are concerned about his ability to control his temper, and are hoping that he will get help for his rage.

Your mother is not stuck in the middle. She can spend time with you and your children on her own. Her husband is an explosively violent person, and you should try to discern if she is safe. Don't abandon her.

You should insist that your stepfather receive professional counseling to manage his rage. He should apologize to your son, in writing, admitting that what he did was wrong, and asking for forgiveness.

Don't get stuck on the concept of forgiveness and moving on, but on healing -- for you and your children. Yes, I believe it is possible for your family to recover, but only if everyone (especially the abuser) rises responsibly to the ongoing challenge.

Dear Amy: I'm 32 weeks pregnant. I'm feeling a lot of distance with my boyfriend. There has been a lot of deceit on his part -- he has snuck around, calls me names, and pushes me away most of the time.

I'm lucky if I get a good two days out of the week. He has turned me away sexually for a very long time.

I'm very much in love with him and this baby I'm carrying.

He was not this monster when we first became an item. He was a charmer, a gentleman, and a sweetheart. I never had this nice treatment before. When he told me he loved me for the first time, it was like a God moment! I felt the same way. And I still do.

Please help!

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