ArcaMax

Dear Amy: I have a 33-year-old stepdaughter. She's single, well-educated, has a very well-paying job and rents an apartment. She has goals to marry, buy a house, have children and have other life experiences.

But she has $60,000 in outstanding student loans.

I am very concerned that she is not more focused on rapidly paying down those loans, particularly while she spends money on travel, weekend getaways and other discretionary purchases.

I worry that carrying these loans in her 30s and maybe into her 40s will derail her from achieving her goals. I also worry that she might think that her father and I, and/or other relatives, will just give her the money to pay off the loans. We are not in the financial position to do so at anywhere near the level of $60,000.

As stepmother, I am not able to directly address these matters with her. Her father is in a hesitant/reluctant state of mind and doesn't want to upset his daughter, who never asks for advice and is quick to deflect any offers of same.

In addition, he feels guilty that he isn't able to just write her a check.

How can I help him to help her?

-- Worried Stepmother

Dear Worried: One of the burdens of being a stepparent is that you spend much of your parenting time watching from the sidelines and judging the choices and parenting style of your spouse.

But you don't carry the guilt your husband does. You will never worry about this daughter in the same way he does.

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