Charlie Puth transforms his hit "We Don't Talk Anymore" into an epic '90s Doobie Brothers classic in the latest edition of Musical Genre Challenge
Trump getting this far into his presidency without being impeached is a lot like when a dog accidentally drives a car into a tree. Yeah, the dog crashed, but he made it eight blocks — that’s impressive. I don’t even know how he put it into drive — he barely knows letters.”
So the good news for Trump is that he’s only facing two charges. Although in a way, that’s also kind of sad for him, because Nixon had three articles brought against him, Bill Clinton had four, and Andrew Johnson had 11, which means Trump will have the smallest impeachment of all time. You know that’s going to make him insecure. He’s ...Read more
Nadler then said, ‘We must be clear no one, not even the president, is above the law.’ Yeah, it’s strange, but it seemed like Nadler kept using Steven Seagal movies to explain the impeachment. First, he said, ‘Not even the president is ‘“Above the Law.” Then he said, ‘Trump has left our democracy “Under Siege,’” and that we...Read more
Time Magazine is about to name their Person of the Year, two articles of impeachment were announced by the Chair of the House Judiciary Committee Jerry Nadler, and the press was not invited to Trump’s meeting with Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov in the Oval Office.
Who would have ever imagined that the guy who bragged about being able to walk in on contestants in his beauty pageants while they’re changing clothes would abuse his power? It’s shocking, really.
Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night.
He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream...Read more
Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the third vampire ...Read more
The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.
"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"
"It's ...Read more
Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time for you."
"What do you mean?" he replied. "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?"
"45? You're not 45, you're 82," replied the angel.
"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82, ...Read more
I just stopped spinning, so I am Disney!
Okay, is it just me or does it seem like someone took a dump in the Oval Office that didn’t flush and now they’re trying to blame it on America’s water systems?
The Late Late Show needed a guest host when James Corden had to head to the hospital for the birth of his daugther, and James's good pal Harry Styles rushed to CBS to guest host an episode. Harry kicks off the show with a monologue about the Alabama special election with Roy Moore and President Trump's plan to get back to the moon before moving ...Read more
Parasite director Bong Joon Ho tries to describe his highly praised horror film Parasite without too many spoilers and reveals the motivation behind his short response to an eight-minute-long standing ovation at Cannes.
Let’s just assume that people are flushing their toilets 10 or 15 times. Does that mean that people are telling the president of the United States about their flushing habits or Trump is asking about them? I don’t understand. Like, forget about North Korea — how many times does it take for you to flush?
What are you eating? The only time you flush a toilet 15 times is if the D.E.A. is banging on your door and you have a kilo of cocaine up you. That’s not normal.
People are flushing toilets 15 times? What? Are they trying to get rid of a body? [Imitating Trump] "Toilet’s clogged again. Call the E.P.A. Have them declare my commode a Superfund site. And you’d better get FEMA in here, too, because this bathroom is a disaster."
Seth takes a closer look at the House’s latest impeachment hearing and President Trump’s allies doubling down on a ludicrous conspiracy theory about Ukraine.
President Trump bemoaned America’s toilet issues during a White House meeting about small businesses on Friday, saying low water pressure means that “people are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times as opposed to once.”
Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!
What's a mushroom?
The place they store the school food!
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!
My teacher reminds me of history
She's ...Read more