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ArcaMax

Bumper Snickers pt. 2

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle fantasy.

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

Hang up and drive.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Continued below...

Little Johnny's Numbers

Humor / Jokes /

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "My dad taught me."

"Good! Can you tell me what comes after three."

"Four," answers little Johnny.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a good job. What comes after ten?"

"A jack," says little Johnny.

Microsoft Air

Humor / Jokes /

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. So, he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel ...Read more

Useful Words Not Found in the Dictionary

Humor / Jokes /

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.

Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to ...Read more

Sports Team Names

Humor / Jokes /

Top 19 Rejected International Sports Team Names:

19. Brussels Sprouts

18. Cannes Openers

17. Amsterdam Yankees

16. Vienna Sausages

15. Belgium Waffles

14. Manila Folders

13. Czech Bouncers

12. New Dehli Catessans

11. Buenos Airheads

10. Guadalajara Krishnas

9. Iraqi Raccoons

8. Bolivia DeHavillands

7. Seoul Brothers

...Read more

Cinnamillennial

Humor / Katiedid Langrock /

I blame the cinnamon buns -- or, more accurately, the lack of cinnamon buns.

My husband and I decided to make a last-minute detour to get away from the West Coast smoke. And because I'm a planner -- and this wasn't planned -- I found the process of finding and booking us an RV campsite entirely overwhelming. How to pick a campground? Do we want...Read more

For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!

What's a mushroom?
The place they store the school food!

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

My teacher reminds me of history
She's always ...Read more

Laryngitis

Humor / Jokes /

A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.

The man said, "Cure it? I want to prolong it."

Reverse Polygamy

Humor / Jokes /

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer,...Read more

Kids Understand Love

Humor / Jokes /

Since a very long time ago, people have searched for the meaning of love. But even the great philosophers, with their profound definitions, could not fully touch its true essence. In a survey of 4-8 year olds, kids share their views on love. But what do little kids know about love? Read on and be surprised that despite their young and innocent ...Read more

Bumpers

Humor / Jokes /

Most people hate to parallel park. The other day, I saw this woman trying to get out of a tight parking space. She'd bump the car in front, then back-up and strike the car behind her. This went on about 2 minutes.

I walked over to see if I could somehow help. My offer was declined though. She said, "Why have bumpers if you're not going to use ...Read more

God the Parent

Humor / Jokes /

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't."

"Don't what?" Adam asked.

"Don't eat the Forbidden Fruit." God replied.

"Forbidden fruit? We got ...Read more

Stupid True Headlines

Humor / Jokes /

- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

- Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

- Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

- Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

- Farmer Bill Dies in House

- Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

- Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

By the way, did you see which network was airing the rally? C-SPAN3. You know your campaign is going well when even C-SPAN2 says, ‘Nah, we’re good.’

Jimmy Fallon

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

And I’m not even really sure what rally attendees are getting out of it for all the risks they’re taking. I mean, you can’t even really follow what the guy is saying. Most of the time he just stands there sweating profusely and complaining about things he recently watched on TV.

...Read more

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

And by the way, this isn’t hypothetical. We already know his rally in Tulsa led to a surge in cases there. At this point, Trump rallies are on the list of high-risk activities, just like doorknob licking, hugging everyone on the subway and eating shrimp at the strip club buffet.

Seth ...Read more

Trump Says COVID “Affects Virtually Nobody” As Death Toll Hits 200,000: A Closer Look

Humor / Jokes /

Seth takes a closer look at Trump holding another packed rally after telling his supporters that virtually nobody is affected by a disease that has killed at least 200,000 Americans.

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

If there’s any parents watching, if you ran out of ‘Where’s Waldo?’ books for your kids during quarantine, just hand them this photo and tell them to find a Trump supporter wearing a mask.

Jimmy Fallon

Late Night Funny

Humor / Jokes /

President Trump held a campaign rally in Pittsburgh on Tuesday with thousands of his supporters gathered in close quarters, many without masks.

Anagrams pt. 1

Humor / Jokes /

An Anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has way too much time to waste or is deadly at Scrabble. When you rearrange the letters:

Dormitory .................................. Dirty Room

Evangelist....Read more