... continued from above
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle fantasy.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
Hang up and drive.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
"Yes," he said. "My dad taught me."
"Good! Can you tell me what comes after three."
"Four," answers little Johnny.
"What comes after six?"
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a good job. What comes after ten?"
"A jack," says little Johnny.
There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. So, he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel ...Read more
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to ...Read more
Top 19 Rejected International Sports Team Names:
19. Brussels Sprouts
18. Cannes Openers
17. Amsterdam Yankees
16. Vienna Sausages
15. Belgium Waffles
14. Manila Folders
13. Czech Bouncers
12. New Dehli Catessans
11. Buenos Airheads
10. Guadalajara Krishnas
9. Iraqi Raccoons
8. Bolivia DeHavillands
7. Seoul Brothers
I blame the cinnamon buns -- or, more accurately, the lack of cinnamon buns.
My husband and I decided to make a last-minute detour to get away from the West Coast smoke. And because I'm a planner -- and this wasn't planned -- I found the process of finding and booking us an RV campsite entirely overwhelming. How to pick a campground? Do we want...Read more
Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!
What's a mushroom?
The place they store the school food!
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!
My teacher reminds me of history
She's always ...Read more
A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.
The man said, "Cure it? I want to prolong it."
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer,...Read more
Since a very long time ago, people have searched for the meaning of love. But even the great philosophers, with their profound definitions, could not fully touch its true essence. In a survey of 4-8 year olds, kids share their views on love. But what do little kids know about love? Read on and be surprised that despite their young and innocent ...Read more
Most people hate to parallel park. The other day, I saw this woman trying to get out of a tight parking space. She'd bump the car in front, then back-up and strike the car behind her. This went on about 2 minutes.
I walked over to see if I could somehow help. My offer was declined though. She said, "Why have bumpers if you're not going to use ...Read more
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't."
"Don't what?" Adam asked.
"Don't eat the Forbidden Fruit." God replied.
"Forbidden fruit? We got ...Read more
- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
- Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
- Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
- Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
- Farmer Bill Dies in House
- Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
- Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
By the way, did you see which network was airing the rally? C-SPAN3. You know your campaign is going well when even C-SPAN2 says, ‘Nah, we’re good.’
Seth takes a closer look at Trump holding another packed rally after telling his supporters that virtually nobody is affected by a disease that has killed at least 200,000 Americans.
If there’s any parents watching, if you ran out of ‘Where’s Waldo?’ books for your kids during quarantine, just hand them this photo and tell them to find a Trump supporter wearing a mask.
President Trump held a campaign rally in Pittsburgh on Tuesday with thousands of his supporters gathered in close quarters, many without masks.
An Anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has way too much time to waste or is deadly at Scrabble. When you rearrange the letters:
Dormitory .................................. Dirty Room