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Florida Women, It's Time To Get Our IUDs

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

The first thing I did Wednesday was think, well, punk music is poised to have a big comeback. Shortly thereafter, I started Googling IUDs.

That's an intrauterine device, a T-shaped object inserted into a uterus to prevent pregnancy. I wasn't the only one looking. If you'll indulge a wonkish moment: Google Trends showed Floridians searching "...Read more

Son of Haiku Error Messages

Humor / Jokes /

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
enter this system.

This site has been moved.
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
have to delete you.

Wind catches lily
scatt'ring petals to the wind:
segmentation fault

ABORTED effort...Read more

Filling in for Saint Peter

Humor / Jokes /

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: 'Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?'

'Yes,' the professor answered. 'When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was ...Read more

South Pacific Huts

Humor / Jokes /

One balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship espied smoke coming from one of three huts on an uncharted island. Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more than five years!"

The captain replied, "If you're all alone on the island why do I see ...Read more

Expressions Explained, Part II

Humor / Jokes /

Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in "straight laced," wore a tightly tied lace.

---

Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase ...Read more

Millionaire

Humor / Jokes /

"Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire.'"

Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously.

"What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?"

"I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.

Early Rodney Dangerfield on The Mike Douglas Show (1969)

Humor / Jokes /

Rodney appeared on The Mike Douglas Show on September 2, 1969 soon after performing with Dion Warwick at the Sands Hotel in Las Vegas.

Rod Hull's Emu Attacks Johnny | Carson Tonight Show

Humor / Jokes /

Original Airdate: June 09, 1983

Mel Brooks On Oscars & Show Business | The Dick Cavett Show

Humor / Jokes /

Richard is joined by Mel Brooks, who talks through his mother's reactions to his career choice and why he was called 'stretch'.

Quincy Jones On Ray Charles, Count Basie & Frank Sinatra | David Letterman

Humor / Jokes /

Plus a special performance from Snoop Dogg. (From "Late Show," air date: 11/10/10)

I Just Needed To Use Your Car

Humor / Jokes /

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield ...Read more

Very Dangerous Mix

Humor / Jokes /

This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water.

Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was ...Read more

Walk Softly

Humor / Jokes /

"How is it that every time I pass your station, you are not working?" the angry department head asked of an employee.

"It's because you wear sneakers, sir!"

What I don't do...

Humor / Jokes /

1. I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.

2. I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves. I'll feel terrible and they may sue me.

3. I don't mind the dust bunnies because .... they are very good company. I have named most of them, and...Read more

Great Steaks?

Humor / Jokes /

Amanpreet had told all of his friends about the great steak he'd eaten downtown the day before. A group of them decided to head down and see if was really as large and delicious as Preet was making it out to be.

The group was seated in the back of the restaurant. After looking over the menu, they ordered and waited, hungrily, for their ...Read more

Thoughts, part 12

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just SEEM longer?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Isn't the best ...Read more

Thoughts, part 11

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

Continued below...

The Christian and the Atheist

Humor / Jokes /

There's a little old Christian lady living next door to an atheist. Every morning the lady comes out onto her front porch and shouts "Praise the Lord!".

The atheist yells back, "There is no God".

She does this every morning with the same result. As time goes on, the lady runs into financial difficulties and has trouble buying food. She goes ...Read more

A conceited new rookie

Humor / Jokes /

A conceited new rookie was pitching his first game. He walked the first five men he faced and the manager took him out of the game. The rookie slammed his glove on the ground as he yelled, "Darn it, the jerk took me out when I had a no-hitter going.

Bears

Humor / Jokes /

Q. If a bear in Yosemite, and one in Alaska fall into water, which one would dissolve faster?

A. The bear in Alaska because it's polar.

 

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