Speaking of Romney, I read that his campaign has raised $10 million in California over the last two days. One million was from a fundraiser while $9 million was from Romney checking a pocket in some old khakis."
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."
The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it...Read more
A client recently brought her two cats in to my husband's veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat. She watched closely as I put each on the scale. "They weigh about the same," I told her.
"That proves it!" she exclaimed. "Black does make you...Read more
"I bet that Van Gogh guy cut off his ear by accident and made up that 'lost love' story so he wouldn't look stupid." --Andy Pierson
I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
"I don't have ...Read more
Barbara was taking her first skydiving lesson. The instructor told her to jump out of the plane and pull her rip cord, explaining that he himself would jump out right behind her so that they would go down together. Barbara understood and was ready.
Just before it was time for Barbara to jump out of the plane, the instructor reminded her that ...Read more
How Moana Should Have Ended
As HBO's blockbuster series Game of Thrones returns, Reason offers its own freedom-filled parody. A libertarian paradise north of the wall? What's happened to Westeros' social security trust fund? Should it take low-income Dothraki four years to get a hair-braiding license?
The creators of HBO’s “Game of Thrones” announced they are developing a new show that imagines what it would be like if the Confederacy successfully seceded from the United States. Well, give it a couple years and it might be a documentary.
A Second, Less Capable, Head: And Other Rogue StoriesJames Hanna
A Tea Party activist discovers that he is growing another head, A playboy befriends a fickle female only six inches tall. A lonely librarian answers a matrimonial ad from a demonic farmer. Darkness abounds in James Hanna's cryptic stories. In these nineteen piercing ...
Tesla Motors CEO Elon Musk claims he has gotten verbal approval to connect New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, and Washington with a high-speed train that runs in an airless tube. While the New York City subway just introduced brand-new rotary phones.
The identities of the people who attended the meeting between Donald Trump Jr. and the Russians keep coming out. It’s making some people in Washington very nervous. So they’re actually coming forward with their alibis to just prove that they weren’t there. For example, Chris Christie said, “I was busy shutting down Coney Island so I ...Read more
Bob’s Burgers has crossed over to Archer, but I wondered what’d happen if Archer were to take a trip to Bob’s Burgers.
The other big story is this interview President Trump did with The New York Times. And the paper said that he made several false claims. And Trump was like, “But you chose to print them, so once again, fake news.”
... continued from above
We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year; hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 ...Read more
A new study claims that for the first time ever, Canadians are wealthier than Americans. We are their Mexico now it turns out.
The United States Postal Service is about to default on $5.5 billion. They made the payment but the check got lost in the mail.
A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location. “It’s only a stone’s throw away from the beach,” he was told.
“But how will I recognize it?” asked the man.
The reply came back: “It’s the one with all the broken windows.”
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." ...Read more
As Sean Spicer resigns as White House press secretary, The Daily Show bids him farewell with a montage of his finest moments.
Even Super Heroes need to take their driver's test. But when Peter Parker goes to get his license, he gets more than he bargained for.
President Trump said yesterday that he went to speak with Vladimir Putin at the G20 summit dinner because he was seated next to the wife of Japanese Prime Minister Abe, who spoke no English. Which means they had at least one thing in common.