How to Keep Critical Race Theory and Other Bummers Out of Schoolbooks

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

Maybe you've heard the term "critical race theory" at 25-cent wing night. No? Well, you didn't come here to read a lot of words, just like students don't go to school to learn icky stuff. So, in a nutshell:

Lawmakers in 15 states want to ban teachings that imply the United States is racist, or make white people feel bad. In Florida, for example...Read more

Why Aren't All the Dressing Rooms Open?

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

The little things, we took them for granted.

Wandering the aisles of TJ Maxx. Loading up on $12.99 linen pants you're positive recall Sophia Loren on the Amalfi Coast. Turning to the fitting room where an attendant counts your hangers: thwip, thwip, thwip . Taking two hangtags because you must try on 17 items in a single visit.

But ...Read more

To the Class of 2021: Why the Pandemic Gave You an Edge

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

Editor's note: This speech is free to any school in need. For example, if your commencement speaker falls ill and the janitor agrees to step in, just hand him these words. It's fine. Don't worry about it.

Dear senior class of 2021,

Congratulations on finishing high school in a pandemic. Matriculation? More like ma-TRICK-ulation. ...Read more

Movie Theaters Have Been a Quiet Place. It's Good to Be Back.

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

You are at the movies. The real movies.

There's that smell. Popcorn with electric butter, rivers of soda, wayward Junior Mints and sweaty hands. The carpet is still ugly, and prices are still high.

Posters in white lights advertise things you've seen at home. You watched "Godzilla vs. Kong" from the sofa, and it was fun and easy. You ...Read more

Can We Double-Dip Again? Some Follow-Up Questions for the CDC

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently proclaimed fully vaccinated people can ditch masks in most situations. This was hopeful news! It also inspired confusion among epidemiologists and the public adjusting to the sudden change.

Furthermore, it did not cover all potential COVID-19 tension points. I have some follow-up questions...Read more

Instagram Sold Me Pillow Slides. Ugly Pool Shoes Are Coming for You, Too.

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

This summer's hottest look is "I give up."

Oh, you thought it was going to be a sexy, fashiony summer? Wrong! Good day, sir! The pandemic has worn us down, changed us in ways we cannot reverse.

Today, I give you Pillow Slides. You might know them by a thousand names -- SnugSlips, Cloud Cushion Slides, Crush Slides, Sootheez. Steve Madden ...Read more

On Mother's Day 2021, the Moms Are Not All Right

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

How's Mom doing? Not great, probably.

In many ways, things are better now than last year. There's hope, vaccines and hugs. If you are lucky enough to have a mom, be a mom or know a mom, celebrate as best you can.

Still, it's going to be a hard one. We lost so many mothers in this wretched year, and those families are aching. The mothers who ...Read more



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