ArcaMax

Are you OK?

How did you fare?

Storm victims woke pelting impossible questions into the ether, texting, posting, gathering debris and fishing furniture from toxic waters. Hurricane Helene, a Category 4 behemoth, plowed into Florida's Big Bend last week. The storm's impacts amounted to what experts in the lead-up kept calling...Read more

The following is an only slightly modified account of a recent attempt to sever internet and cable over the phone with a customer service agent.

Hi. I need to cancel my service.

OK, may I ask why?

We moved and are cutting cable and have gone with a new internet provider.

Mmhmm. Did you get the little white box ...Read more

Imagine being a cat right now.

One minute, you're minding your own business for 12 hours in a closet, confident in your superiority and uninterested in haters. You've accepted that the dopey, drooly dog is the all-American archetypal household pet. A ridiculous choice, you think, but caring is beneath you, and you've got biscuits to make.

...Read more

I stood inside 7-Eleven on my way to the office, staring dead-eyed at the drink case and reaching for yet another Celsius to patch in the cracks of exhaustion. A disembodied voice emerged from my left temporal lobe, whispering:

Water.

I bought the dumbest bottle of water. It was Icelandic, or Norwegian, or from some other place ...Read more

I am moving to a new house a few miles away. Apologies to my neighbors who are finding out by reading this. When you live in the suburbs, I suppose the proper thing to do is stand on the stoop a la Tony Soprano and be belly-forward with personal news, but I'd rather disassociate by lining up hoarded hotel shampoos like a glass menagerie. Also,...Read more

We recently received an invitation to a friend's house for game night.

"Great," I told my husband. "Do we have to play games?"

I am not opposed to all games. I'm not opposed to anyone who plays games, game designers, game salespeople, game collectors. I hereby recognize that games bring pleasure to untold humans in an often dispiriting world...Read more

New school year, work your magic.

Bring on the perfectly plaited braids and buns topped with bows, the toothy, spitty smiles, the crinkly corners of eyes. Stuff our souls with smushed sandwiches and sloshing squares of purple juice.

Unearth those adorable, dorky chalkboards. Age: 6. Grade: 1. Favorite food: Noodles. Cupcakes. Goldfish. When ...Read more

As a mere regular person, I don't know how political vetting works. I picture an episode of "Veep." Lots of blazers whirring by, young assistants decoding Gen Z memes, haggard operatives unearthing photos of potential candidates with appendages in light sockets. It was one time! In college!

When laboring over a presidential running mate, did ...Read more

The word "dissociation" gets bandied about in these chaotic times, usually in context of watching forced proximity dating shows or capybara videos. This type of mental clocking out is passable but ultimately unfulfilling. It's numbing at best, doing little to stoke the champion fires within.

The Olympics, though. The Olympics have dropped ...Read more

After hours battling Disney passholder traffic on a Florida highway, I hustled into the theater moments before showtime. It's not a good start, being out of breath at a 4DX movie.

My seat on the end of a cluster of four immediately started jostling violently during a preview. I felt an ominous aura as breakfast bubbled up.

Maybe those theme ...Read more

A-five-six-seven-eight.

A homeowner cracks the front door to retrieve a package. The sodden summer air crashes through the entryway like a wave. The homeowner breathes in, letting the warmth fill her air-conditioned lungs, soaking in sun to combat the stain of blue monitor light. The fine hairs on her arms elevate. She closes her eyes. Big ...Read more

Imagine being George Clooney.

No, really. Do this with me real quick. It will be more fun than whatever you were planning. That cereal bowl you were about to wash doesn't have the same mischievous glimmer as our Clooney abstraction.

Ok, so you're Georgie. You're an A-list movie star, husband to a brilliant human rights lawyer, father to ...Read more