A Letter to America from Inside Florida

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

We need to talk, rest of the country. Stop what you're doing and read this, especially if what you're doing is typing a mean internet comment about Florida.

Recently, three Tampa restaurants were awarded coveted Michelin stars, which is what happens when, I think, a cartoon guy made of tires decides he likes the food? Exciting for our region!...Read more

Dear Graduates: Here's What No One Tells You

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

To this year's graduating classes, shaking hands with deans and principals, crying with friends you swear to never forget, perched on the precipice of discovery: Here's what no one tells you.

Life is pretty boring.

This isn't the typical wisdom of speeches packed with positive and negative terminals, mistakes and triumphs. Sure, the highs ...Read more

The Guilt Spiral of Tipping in 2023

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

Much goes unsaid between customers and workers, an icy chasm between "We have Pepsi products; is that OK?" and "Get home safe!" Therein writhes a silent disco of pain, I am telling you.

You see, America decided to let people pay each other on a system of vibes and vibes alone. We really said, "Strangers shall make wage assessments over a $14 ...Read more

Requiem for Bed Bath & Beyond

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

Goodbye to Bed Bath & Beyond.

Goodbye to yet another American corporate comfort that just couldn't hang, filing for bankruptcy protection and falling to rest near brethren Toys "R" Us, Tuesday Morning, Stein Mart and Sports Authority. Goodbye to a big-box retail wonderland woefully behind the times, lost to the couch-surfing ease of internet ...Read more

Drag Is Awesome. Callous Legislators Should Check It Out.

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

It makes complete sense that the acerbic wit drag queens are known for shelling out onstage has been lost on the humorless townspeople from a Nathaniel Hawthorne novel who run some of these state legislatures.

Does this sound like you? Are you a Republican lawmaker emulating the Lord's kindness by calling transgender people mutants? Are you ...Read more

Are You There, God? 'Margaret' Is Right on Time Amid Book Bans

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

Spouting spoilers when it comes to "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" is a minor sin at most, given how many bedroom pillows the book has been wedged beneath for decades. All former adolescent readers, myself included, know the joy of slumping against a mall wall or tucking under a blanket, engrossed in a story that feels like a shot of ...Read more

Let Swifties Have Their Joy!

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

They say comparison is the thief of joy, but you know what else is a thief of joy? Thieves of joy!

Joy thievery is an occupation, a volunteer-based paramilitary calling with many dedicated adherents. Everyone has met a Joy Thief, one who believes so strongly in their own cultural correctitude, their own precious coolness that they expend ...Read more

ChatGPT Pickup Lines to Land Your Next Date

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

It has come to my attention that people are using artificial intelligence bot service ChatGPT to write wedding vows. According to The New York Times, some future spouses, bridesmaids and groomsmen are also paying $30 for a service called ToastWiz to generate three original speeches.

This is ridiculous and terrifying for the future of mankind ...Read more

If Only the Michelangelo Mess in a Florida School Was Surprising

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

By now, you've heard that Michelangelo's "David" has visited Florida's hellish political bloodbath, a place David probably never meant to hang out. Though it is ironic that he's the one who slayed a Philistine giant.

David. You know Dave? King of Judah, regular dude. Kept sheep, played a sick harp, killed Goliath, that kind of thing. David was ...Read more

Did Millennials or Gen X Drink Water Growing Up? An Investigation.

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

When I reflect on my childhood in the context of beverages, I primarily remember two things: Kool-Aid and Tang.

These 1980s staples were not the portrait of "wellness," a cursed word we'll explore more momentarily. But they were my drinks. I was lactose intolerant as a child (this is off to a cool, sexy start) so I had juice most of the time ...Read more

Florida Is Being Run By 1980s Movie Bullies

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

Everybody cut the sleeves off your jean jackets? Pressed your double-breasted blazers? Hung an unlit cigarette between your lips? We got 60 consecutive days to rule the school, and there's no time to waste.

We, a coalition of movie bullies from the 1980s, hereby open Florida's legislative session. I, Biff Tannen from the "Back to the Future" ...Read more

Blahs and Bad Dreams in the Pandemic's Fourth Year

Humor / Stephanie Hayes /

For as long as my mushy cerebral cortex has had folds, I've been blessed (or cursed) with vivid dreams. In them, my subconscious tends to take on actions I avoid in real life. For instance, I am a pretty low-conflict person. I don't enjoy fighting, and I can't remember the last time I yelled at another human. I am more likely to bottle feelings,...Read more



Humor Me (Leave Caption In Comments) Pickles Non Sequitur John Branch John Cole Monte Wolverton