Slugging It Out

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

Living in the suburbs, I encounter lots of wildlife to keep me on my toes. I've had several run-ins with aggressive squirrels, a quarrel with a cranky woodchuck, an unfortunate encounter with a pissed-off skunk. But none of this prepared me for the monster thing I stumbled upon while we were on vacation in the woods. This thing was so big and so...Read more

Here's to Mud in Your Dog

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

Every spring, the April showers not only bring May flowers but turn my backyard into a muddy swamp. During this period, we are forced to keep a laundry basket of rags by the back door so we can intercept the dog on his way back in the house, wrestle him to the ground, and sandblast his paws before he does a muddy cha-cha through the family ...Read more

That's the Way the Ball Bounces

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

"I saw you throwing the ball for the dog outside this morning," I said to my husband. He was making himself some eggs while the dog lay panting on the floor.

"I did!" he said enthusiastically.

"You used the wrong ball," I said, walking past him to pet the panting dog.

"What do you mean?"

"You threw the green ball that has the treats inside...Read more

When Yaks Attack

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

I was sitting at my desk writing, with my trusty dog lying on the floor by my side, when suddenly I heard this sound like someone was letting the air out of a tire. It went on for about five seconds and then stopped. I looked around the room to see if there was a gas leak or something ... and that's when I smelled it. It was like a cross ...Read more

Who Turned Out the Lights?

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

When the time came to get new eyeglasses, I decided I was ready for an upgrade. The optician told me I could get transition lenses that would turn dark when I was in the sun, so instead of having a regular pair of eyeglasses and a second pair of prescription sunglasses, I'd have one pair that would do everything. If I could just get them to ...Read more

Hello, It's Me, Aloe

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

According to some experts, it's advisable to practice taking care of something living before you have kids. A lot of people start out with a pet. But before you have pets, you might need to first be able to keep a houseplant alive. And if you find you really stink at this caretaking thing, you might even want to take one step back beyond that ...Read more

The Dreaming of the Shrew

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

"You were talking in your sleep last night," I said to my husband when he stumbled into the kitchen that morning. I handed him a cup of espresso to jolt him out of his coma.

"No, I wasn't," he said.

"How would you know?" I said. "You were asleep. I was not asleep ... because you were talking in your sleep."

"I don't talk in my sleep," he ...Read more

It All Comes Out in the End

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

"What's with all the Gatorade?" said my husband when I walked in the door with two bulging bags of the stuff.

"It's for tonight," I said matter-of-factly.

"Is there a special occasion that calls for large amounts of fluorescent green liquid to be ingested?" he asked, wondering if perhaps he'd forgotten an obscure holiday that was celebrated ...Read more

To All the Jeans I've Loved Before

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

Since I work from home, I don't generally get dressed up for the occasion. Most of the time, I consider it a successful day if I change out of my bathrobe and put on actual clothes. Because of this, I don't have a lot of fancy clothes and most of what I do have can easily be thrown in the wash.

This arrangement has always worked out fine ...Read more

Join the Club

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

"I got an invitation on Facebook to join the Magnetic Eyelashes Fan Club," I told my husband as I stared at my computer screen.

"What does that even mean?" he asked incredulously.

"It's a group on Facebook for people who like magnetic eyelashes, I assume."

"Is that a thing?" he asked.

"Apparently," I said. "Although I don't wear fake ...Read more

The Case of the Puffy Face

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

Even before I looked in the mirror, I knew my face was puffy. It might have had something to do with the fact that I could feel my cheeks touching my eyebrows, or maybe that my lips felt like they were the size of eggplants. I knew some women paid good money for lips that looked like mine, but at that moment, I suspected it was probably not a ...Read more



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