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Up Sheet's Creek Without a Paddle

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

Back in the day, when I was younger, I would wake up in the morning and, for the most part, look like I had gotten a good night's sleep. Not the mornings in my early 20s when I was hung over, of course. Or the mornings in my 30s after being up all night with my kids. Or the mornings in my 40s after waiting up all night for my kids to come home...Read more

When Trouble Is Brewing

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

My husband was never much of a coffee drinker, but after a business trip to Italy, he became enamored with espresso. At first he would just order it in restaurants. Then he started frequenting fancy coffee shops. Eventually he bought his own machine, and not just one of those pop-in-a-pod-and-call-it-espresso machines. No, he went full-on ...Read more

A Skort Is a Skort, of Course, of Course

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

For many years, I was really bothered by the notion of a skort . It wasn't so much the actual combination of a skirt and shorts, because in concept, it was a pretty good idea, especially for tennis or when you might happen to be in a place with big wind gusts and such.

No, the problem I had was with the name, "skort."

It was right up ...Read more

The Cream of the Crop

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

"Oh no!" I cried from the bathroom.

"Honey," my husband said, "what's wrong? Are you OK?" He ran into the room, wondering, I'm sure, what kind of tragedy could have transpired with only me, the sink and the toilet present.

"I've made a terrible mistake," I said, looking at him forlornly.

"What?!" he asked.

"I used my night cream instead of...Read more

Slugging It Out

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

Living in the suburbs, I encounter lots of wildlife to keep me on my toes. I've had several run-ins with aggressive squirrels, a quarrel with a cranky woodchuck, an unfortunate encounter with a pissed-off skunk. But none of this prepared me for the monster thing I stumbled upon while we were on vacation in the woods. This thing was so big and so...Read more

Here's to Mud in Your Dog

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

Every spring, the April showers not only bring May flowers but turn my backyard into a muddy swamp. During this period, we are forced to keep a laundry basket of rags by the back door so we can intercept the dog on his way back in the house, wrestle him to the ground, and sandblast his paws before he does a muddy cha-cha through the family ...Read more

That's the Way the Ball Bounces

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

"I saw you throwing the ball for the dog outside this morning," I said to my husband. He was making himself some eggs while the dog lay panting on the floor.

"I did!" he said enthusiastically.

"You used the wrong ball," I said, walking past him to pet the panting dog.

"What do you mean?"

"You threw the green ball that has the treats inside...Read more

When Yaks Attack

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

I was sitting at my desk writing, with my trusty dog lying on the floor by my side, when suddenly I heard this sound like someone was letting the air out of a tire. It went on for about five seconds and then stopped. I looked around the room to see if there was a gas leak or something ... and that's when I smelled it. It was like a cross ...Read more

Who Turned Out the Lights?

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

When the time came to get new eyeglasses, I decided I was ready for an upgrade. The optician told me I could get transition lenses that would turn dark when I was in the sun, so instead of having a regular pair of eyeglasses and a second pair of prescription sunglasses, I'd have one pair that would do everything. If I could just get them to ...Read more

Hello, It's Me, Aloe

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

According to some experts, it's advisable to practice taking care of something living before you have kids. A lot of people start out with a pet. But before you have pets, you might need to first be able to keep a houseplant alive. And if you find you really stink at this caretaking thing, you might even want to take one step back beyond that ...Read more

The Dreaming of the Shrew

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

"You were talking in your sleep last night," I said to my husband when he stumbled into the kitchen that morning. I handed him a cup of espresso to jolt him out of his coma.

"No, I wasn't," he said.

"How would you know?" I said. "You were asleep. I was not asleep ... because you were talking in your sleep."

"I don't talk in my sleep," he ...Read more

 

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