Join the Club

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

"I got an invitation on Facebook to join the Magnetic Eyelashes Fan Club," I told my husband as I stared at my computer screen.

"What does that even mean?" he asked incredulously.

"It's a group on Facebook for people who like magnetic eyelashes, I assume."

"Is that a thing?" he asked.

"Apparently," I said. "Although I don't wear fake ...Read more

The Case of the Puffy Face

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

Even before I looked in the mirror, I knew my face was puffy. It might have had something to do with the fact that I could feel my cheeks touching my eyebrows, or maybe that my lips felt like they were the size of eggplants. I knew some women paid good money for lips that looked like mine, but at that moment, I suspected it was probably not a ...Read more

Riding the Wave

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

We hadn't had the new microwave that long when, all of a sudden, it decided it just didn't want to microwave anymore.

"You had one job," I said to the microwave, chastising it after it failed to reheat some leftovers. "Is that really so hard?"

Naturally, I had no idea what went into making a microwave microwave. I assumed it probably had ...Read more

A Grand Doggie Affair

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

"Bowie has a girlfriend," I announced to my husband. "She's a golden retriever and her name is Susie."

"That's unlikely," he said. "Did you forget that he's neutered?"

"He can still enjoy a girl dog's company," I replied.

I looked over at Bowie sprawled out on the living room rug. He had just returned from his daily midday walk with several...Read more

Ain't That a Shame

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

"Are you ready to order?" asked the server. It was our first time at a new restaurant and everything looked tempting to me. Even the sugar packets looked good.

"I'd like the fish tacos," I said. "But what kind of tortillas do they come with? I'm gluten-free."

"They come with corn tortillas," she said. "But we can also do them as lettuce ...Read more

A Chip Off the Old Tooth

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

After making it through the challenges of Thanksgiving, the trials of Black Friday, and the marathon of Christmas and New Year's, I chipped a tooth brushing my teeth.

I'd have to say that typically I am not an aggressive tooth brusher. I have an electric toothbrush that does most of the brushing for me, and it's generally a pretty amicable ...Read more

Sharpening My Spidey-Sense

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

"Holy Cow," I shouted. "There's a giant spider on the wall. I think it's a tarantula!"

"It's not a tarantula," said my husband, looking up from his computer. "There are no tarantulas around here."

"Then it's a wolf spider," I said.

"What, are you suddenly an Arachnologist?" He wondered.

"What's that? An expert in peanut butter?"

"No. Why ...Read more

Top of the Pops

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

One of the treats my husband and I love is having popcorn when we watch a movie at home. But after reading some negative reviews about microwave popcorn, I thought hot air-popped popcorn would be a better alternative. Is it as yummy as microwave popcorn? Honestly, no. But I thought it would be healthier and tasty in a Styrofoam-packing-...Read more

Resolving to Keep My New Year's Resolution

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

Some years ago, I made a New Year's resolution not to make any New Year's resolutions because I always immediately break them. Of course, I didn't remember making this resolution until I was in the car one day sitting in holiday traffic and getting really steamed about all the rude people on the road. After someone cut me off and my then-4-...Read more

Pillow Talk

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

Every once in a while, I get bitten by the redecorating bug and I feel compelled to refresh one of the rooms in the house.

In the grand scheme of things, this is not as bad, as, say, wanting to refresh husbands. Of course, it might actually be cheaper to get a new husband than a new family room. But since my husband is the one financing the ...Read more

Real Men Don't Wear Meggings

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

Doting wife that I am, I was concerned that my husband would be disappointed that I'm not getting him a pair of "meggings" for Christmas. Meggings seemed to be a really hot trend right now for men, and I would feel terrible if my husband were the only guy in town wearing chinos when the rest of the male population was wearing meggings. Not ...Read more

It's All in the Bag

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

Someone once told me that God gave women handbags because he knew, of the two sexes, women would be the ones who would know what to put in the bags in case of an emergency. This probably started with the apples we stole from the Garden of Eden, but we won't go there.

In terms of being a mother, some of your bag expertise is intuitive and some...Read more

My Magnetic Personality

Humor / Tracy Beckerman /

Apparently magnetic eyelashes are a "thing."

I realized this when I started getting a suspicious number of Facebook ads for magnetic false eyelashes. I thought that maybe it was just me, and Facebook had determined somehow that I was eyelash-challenged and in desperate need of a solution. But then I found out that my friends were also getting...Read more



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