Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."
Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"
Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."
"Pardon me, lady", said the man trying to get back to his seat in the darkened movie theater, "but did I step on your toes a few minutes ago?"
"You certainly did!!", said the woman in the aisle seat.
"Good, then I'm in the right row!" the man said as he went back to his seat.
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and I'm told we're not using it anymore.
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.
She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of ...Read more
First golfer, Bill: "What was your score?"
Bill: "That's not too bad at all!"
Bob: "Thanks! I hope I'll do better on the second hole."
Can Americans double or even triple their incomes this year? With no special skills and no investment you could go out and start earning income online today with a new program..... Read more
For weeks now, Republicans have been pushing their Obamacare replacement plan. But the bill has a pre-existing condition: Everybody hates it!
One of Trump’s appointees, Rex Tillerson, made a surprising statement when he told reporters that he didn’t want to be secretary of state, but accepted the job because his wife told him it was something he was supposed to do. Yeah. That’s the attitude you want representing the country, isn’t it? “Hello, Mr. Prime Minister, I’m Rex ...Read more
At this point, it appears the Republican healthcare plan is going to die on the floor of the House. Coincidentally, dying on the floor of the house happens to be the Republican healthcare plan.
Things N GeneralCary Hendrix Jr.
These are the thoughts that we have all had, but have never spoken. THINGS N GENERAL is Cary Hendrix jr.'s compendium of these ideas and hypotheses, filled with wisdom, wit and humor and illustrated by his original cartoons. THINGS N GENERAL will make you laugh, but more important, it will ...
Stephen talks about TrumpCare's new rebranding attempt, the weirdest character in 'Beauty and the Beast,' and tunes in once more to 'Real News Tonight.'
Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch started his confirmation hearings this week, and he said that he has his law students think about their legacies by having them write an obituary about themselves. Yeah. Incidentally, that’s also part of the Republican healthcare plan.
A man walked into the office of an eminent psychiatrist and sat down to explain his problem.
"Doctor, doctor! I've got this problem," the man said. "I keep hallucinating that I'm a dog. It's crazy. I don't know what to do!"
"A common canine complex," said the doctor soothingly. "Relax. Come here and lie down on the couch."
"Oh no, Doctor," ...Read more
Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your internet addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help.
Yes, you--we're talking to you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it...Read more
An English teacher wrote this phrase on the board and asked her students to properly punctuate it:
"Woman without her man is nothing."
MEN WROTE: Woman, without her man, is nothing.
WOMEN WROTE: Woman! Without her, man is nothing.
Boss: You got your hair cut on company time.
Susie: It grew on company time.
Boss: Not all that hair.
Susie: I didn't get it all cut.
A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25¢ each -- three for a dollar."
All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!"
Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix ...Read more
Ivanka Trump is reportedly getting an office in the White House in addition to security clearance and government-issued communication devices. Even more unbelievable, so is Donald Trump.
Ivanka Trump is getting an office in the West Wing despite previously stating she would not take a formal role in her father’s administration. The administration has said Ivanka is going to act as her father’s “eyes and ears,” which basically means she’s going to be walking around the White House saying, “I’m telling Dad!”
It’s being reported that Donald Trump campaign adviser Roger Stone has a tattoo of Richard Nixon across his shoulders. And get this — ladies, he’s single.
Attorney General Jeff Sessions has a strong stance on marijuana, while Trump's White House is showing symptoms of having smoked it.