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For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!

What's a mushroom?
The place they store the school food!

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

My teacher reminds me of history
She's always ...Read more

Laryngitis

Humor / Jokes /

A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.

The man said, "Cure it? I want to prolong it."

Fast Dads

Humor / Jokes /

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".

The ...Read more

Clearing Out

Humor / Jokes /

Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.

Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock cricket game.

Silent Wife

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One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.

"What's the matter?" the bartender asks.

"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."

The bartender thought about this for a ...Read more

The Dying Preacher

Humor / Jokes /

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.

As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, ...Read more

Pulled Over

Humor / Jokes /

Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in California, I was stopped by a state trooper in Kansas for exceeding the speed limit. Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother's delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.

Later, I was stopped by another trooper. "What have I...Read more

Video

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No body

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What Steven Spielberg Gave The Cast Of West Side Story | The Graham Norton Show

Humor / Jokes /

Rachel Zegler shares what incredible gifts Steven Spielberg gave the cast of West Side Story when production finished.

Peter O'Toole Talks Drinking Too Much, Friday The 13th, and Movies on Carson Tonight Show

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Peter O'Toole Talks Drinking Too Much, Friday The 13th, and Movies on Carson Tonight Show - 01/13/78

George W. Bush Finally Tells The Truth About Iraq | Monkeypox Outbreak Hits U.S.

Humor / Jokes /

After watching George W. Bush make an incredible Freudian slip about his unjustified invasion of Iraq, Stephen wonders what else the former president might come clean about. He's also wondering just how terrified we should be about the news that a monkeypox outbreak has reached U.S. shores.

Emergency Room

Humor / Jokes /

A blond guy with two badly burned ears went to the emergency room for medical treatment.

"What happened" asked the doctor.

"Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching the ballgame on TV," began the man.

"She put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answered the iron."

The doctor nodded, "But what happened to the ...Read more

Cow Sense

Humor / Jokes /

The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women, met and decided that this month's outing was to be at a dairy farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and had never seen such a thing. The day came, and the ladies filed into the rented bus which whisked them off to their destination.

On the way, they watched ...Read more

Experience

Humor / Jokes /

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.

"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."

"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you ...Read more

Hungry Lion

Humor / Jokes /

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.

The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

Amazing Longevity

Humor / Jokes /

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old ...Read more

Sir David Attenborough IS NOT 'Turned On By Space' | The Jonathan Ross Show

Humor / Jokes /

Here are some of our favourite moments from Sir David Attenborough over the years. Who's excited to watch Sir David Attenborough's new series: Prehistoric Planet?

 

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