'Despicable Me 3' stars Steve Carell and Kristen Wiig take the WIRED Autocomplete Interview and answer the Internet's most searched questions about themselves.
Do not try this at home.
Two Florida men reportedly abandoned their car last week after crashing into a Dorito's truck, which sounds like the perfect case for Chips.
Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin got married this weekend for the third time, and the wedding was officiated by Vice President Mike Pence. Because if there's one thing Mike Pence stands for, it's the sanctity of a third marriage.
Nancy Pelosi was talking about her first meeting with Trump and she said that he served pigs in a blanket and kosher meatballs. It's good to know that even the president has a bunch of food from Costco that he is trying to get rid of.
Seth takes a break from breaking news to check in on why President Trump is supporting the expansion of private prisons.
President Trump said that Obama copied him by calling the Republican healthcare bill "Mean." And then Obama said Trump copied him by spending the last six months doing nothing.
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased ...Read more
Call Me Pomeroy [Kindle Edition]James Hanna
Pomeroy, a street musician on parole, joins the Occupy Movement in Oakland and its spinoffs in London and Paris. He does not join for political reasons but to get on television, land an agent, and score a million dollar recording contract. A zany collection of tales ...
A man arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."
"How current is your copy?" he asks.
"I get a download every ten...Read more
My wife and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits...and their bulging stomachs.
Proud of the fact that I weighed just five pounds more than I did when I was in high school, the result of trying to beat a living out of a rocky hillside farm, I said to my wife, "I'm the only guy ...Read more
Where do you take sick ponies?
To the horsepital!
What do you say if you see a flying pig?
'I see bacon's going up'!
Who tells chicken jokes?
What do you get if you cross pigs with a lot of grapes?
A swine gut!
As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel.
One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.
When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others.
Lets be real, most people are freaks in the shower. Not me though, I'm just a full fledged performer & I like to make out with the wall. Which type are you?
Following losses in two special congressional elections this week, one Democratic staffer reportedly said, “We have 80-year-old leaders and 90-year-old ranking members. This isn’t a party, it’s a giant assisted living center.” Even worse, the reporter then asked about the upcoming G7 summit, and several people yelled “Bingo!”
At a rally in Iowa last night, Trump unveiled a new plan for his long-proposed border wall [clip of Trump]: “We're thinking about building the wall as a solar wall so it creates energy and pays for itself.” A solar wall. Now he’s literally blowing sunshine up our [butts].
A new survey revealed that the average time a heterosexual couple has sex is 19 minutes. In my case, that’s two minutes for sex and 17 minutes for apologizing.
The benefits of vaccines far outweigh the minuscule risks, but some parents still question their safety. John Oliver discusses why some people may still feel uncertainty about childhood vaccinations.
We have Ray Romano on the show tonight. He stars in the new movie “The Big Sick,” which is also the name of the Republican healthcare bill.
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" I asked.
"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," I said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"
He sighed. "You ...Read more
A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."