Even LEGO movies have sins. This one is no different. I mean, what kind of a monster microwaves lobster in the shell?!?!
Trump doubled down on his new nickname for Kim Jong Un. "Rocket Man is on a suicide mission for himself and for his regime." Mr. President, don't give our enemies nicknames that make them sound cooler! "I will destroy Commander Jetpack and Admiral Ice Cream Sex Machine."
Apple is exploring ways to turn Siri into people's personal therapist. In fact, this morning when I asked Siri for today's weather she said, "Stop trying to replace your father."
The President made it very clear that peace is his number one priority. Oh, and also all out war, too.
Last night, Toys R Us officially filed for bankruptcy after falling $5 billion in debt. I guess they tried to pay it off, but the bank said, "This is Monopoly money."
A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River.
"That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!"
"You have to remember," answered the guide. "A dollar went a lot farther in those days."
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away.
Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.
He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make ...Read more
Things N GeneralCary Hendrix Jr.
These are the thoughts that we have all had, but have never spoken. THINGS N GENERAL is Cary Hendrix jr.'s compendium of these ideas and hypotheses, filled with wisdom, wit and humor and illustrated by his original cartoons. THINGS N GENERAL will make you laugh, but more important, it will ...
Men are like fine wine...
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
From my auto mechanic:
"That part is much less expensive than I thought."
"I've never seen anyone maintain his car as well as you do."
"You could get that done more cheaply at the garage down the street."
"It was just a loose wire. No charge."
From my son's preschool teacher:
"Everyone misbehaved today except Michael."<...Read more
At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he planned to be around for his 104th.
"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."
Jimmy turns viral photos of celebs and pop culture from the week into memes.
James welcomes Professor Robert Winston to perform science experiments, one involving a gas that makes James's voice hilariously deep, and another including explosive powder.
On Sunday, Donald Trump tweeted about North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, saying, “I spoke with President Moon of South Korea last night. I asked him how ‘Rocket Man’ is doing.” President Trump, you’ve already ruined enough; don’t ruin Elton John lyrics for us.
In a speech to the United Nations General Assembly this morning, Donald Trump told world leaders that the U.N. needs to reform itself because it’s ineffective due to bureaucracy and mismanagement. And for the first time, every nation on Earth had a reason to come together: to roll their eyes at Donald Trump.
Over the weekend, President Trump retweeted a GIF of himself knocking Hillary Clinton down with a golf ball. In response, Hillary retweeted a GIF where she beat Trump by 3 million votes.
Seth takes a closer look at how the GOP is trying to ram through a plan to repeal and replace Obamacare while waiting for what could be the Russia investigation's first indictment.
A married couple in Louisiana was arrested after filming themselves having sex in a Walmart and a Burger King. Of course they were very embarrassed, so they told their friends it was a Target and a Wendy’s.
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!
What kinds of wizards have their eyes closest together?
The smallest ones!
Why do wizards clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath!
What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?
The police made him ...Read more
A customer calls the round-the-clock tech support hotline to ask what hours the call center is open.
"The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week," says the technician who answers the call.
Customer asks, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"