Humor

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Entertainment

Ted Cruz Storms Off After Questions About Guns, Wants Door Control Instead: A Closer Look

Humor / Jokes /

Seth takes a closer look at pro-gun politicians refusing to take action for stricter gun safety measures to stop America's plague of mass shootings and pitching an insane alternative to get rid of doors instead of guns.

Tom Cruise's Top 5 Moments On The Graham Norton Show!

Humor / Jokes /

With the release of Top Gun Maverick, here are the top 5 Tom Cruise moments!

Celebrity Noses: Card Sizes

Humor / Jokes /

James is bringing all positive vibes to complete one of the Late Late Show's best comedy segments. The only issue is the gang can't seem to get the card sizes to James' liking...

For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!

What's a mushroom?
The place they store the school food!

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

My teacher reminds me of history
She's always ...Read more

Laryngitis

Humor / Jokes /

A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.

The man said, "Cure it? I want to prolong it."

I'll trust you that you paid

Humor / Jokes /

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.

"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.

"Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did."

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers ...Read more

Pengiun Movies

Humor / Jokes /

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police...Read more

Prayers Before Dinner

Humor / Jokes /

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"

"No sir," Little Johnny replies, "I don't have to, my mom is a good cook!"

Quick Stop

Humor / Jokes /

A computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer were driving down a mountain when the brakes failed. They screamed down the mountain, gaining speed, and finally managed to grind to a halt, more by luck than anything else, just inches from a thousand foot drop to jagged rocks. They all got out of the car.

The computer engineer said, "I ...Read more

Turkey Football

Humor / Jokes /

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey ...Read more

Senate Skips Town Without Taking Action | 100+ GOP Midterm Ads Feature Guns

Humor / Jokes /

Senators McConnell and Schumer opted not to consider any gun violence solutions before letting the Senate leave for a two week break, and Republicans who are concerned with violence on TV need look no further than their own campaign ads.

Emma Watson TOTALLY Had A Crush On Tom Felton | The Jonathan Ross Show

Humor / Jokes /

When Tom Felton said he sees Emma as his 'little sister'.

Jon Hamm Calls Miles Teller Out for Getting Lost in Prince William's Eyes | The Tonight Show

Humor / Jokes /

Jon Hamm talks about starring in George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord" music video, his role in Top Gun: Maverick and having to follow a strict protocol while meeting the royal family.

The Queen of England Has a New Ride

Humor / Jokes /

After James checks in with his guests Patricia Arquette and Ben Schwartz, who is stealing everything he can before the show comes to an end, he asks the gang if they would like to separate their work and personal memories, a la Patricia's show "Severance". And then it's time for the news.

America's Urgent Gun Crisis and the Rewriting of the Second Amendment: A Closer Look

Humor / Jokes /

Seth takes a closer look at the powerful forces and leaders behind the decades-long fraud that convinced people it's their constitutional right to own arsenals of military-grade weaponry.

Jimmy Kimmel on Elementary School Shooting in Uvalde, Texas

Humor / Jokes /

Jimmy responds to the tragic school shooting at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas, and talks about 89% of Americans wanting background checks, our cowardly leaders listening to the NRA instead of the people they actually represent, firearms becoming the #1 leading cause of death for American children and teens, Ted Cruz speaking at an NRA ...Read more

Artists' Canvas

Humor / Jokes /

I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.

Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?"

Me: "Certainly, what width?"

Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) "Uh, Scissors?"

Skeleton

Humor / Jokes /

I was helping a buddy of mine, who was an orthopedic surgeon, move to his new office, and using my car to help transport some of his office equipment.

I had decided to position his somewhat fragile display skeleton strapped into the back seat of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat...

At one traffic light, the stares of the people ...Read more

Bumper Snickers

Humor / Jokes /

I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.

I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.

Protected by .357 Magnum 3 days a week. You guess which 3

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

Fight crime – Shoot back

Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.

Clear the Road I AM SIXTEEN ...Read more

Quotes About Getting Old

Humor / Jokes /

* I much prefer being over the hill to being under it. ~Bruce Lansky

* At my age I don’t care if my mind starts to wander- just as long as it comes back again. ~Mike Knowles

* Middle age is when a narrow waist and a broad mind begin to change places. ~Glenn Dorenbush

* When you can finally afford the rings you want, you’d rather no one ...Read more

 

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