Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!

What's a mushroom?
The place they store the school food!

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

My teacher reminds me of history
She's always ...Read more

A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.

The man said, "Cure it? I want to prolong it."

... continued from above

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

March Planned For Next August

L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide

Patient At Death's Door - Doctors Pull Him Through

Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Continued below...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Four Eggs!
Four Eggs who ?
Four Eggs ample !

Adolf.

Adolf who?

Adolph ball hit me in de mowf. Dat's why I dawk dis way.

Cam.

Cam who?

Camalot is where King Arthur lived.

A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.

After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center's director that he was an acceptable candidate.

"That's great!" the ...Read more

*The water-proof towel

*Glow in the dark sunglasses

*Solar powered flashlights

*Submarine screen doors

*A book on how to read

*Inflatable dart boards

*A dictionary index

*Dehydrated water - Just add water

*Waterproof tea bags

*The helicopter ejector seat

Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.

"You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl.

Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."

Know why a room full of married people looks so empty?
There's not a Single person in it.

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents.

Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
A: DAM!!

Why do eskimos wash their ...Read more

A Texas millionaire had fallen ill. The doctors consulted did not seem to understand what ailed him. The millionaire let it be known that any doctor who could heal him could have whatever he desired.

A country doctor was finally able to cure him, and as the doctor was leaving after a week's stay, the Texan said, "Doc! I am a man of my word. You...Read more

Why did the potato cross the road?
He saw a fork up ahead.

How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad.

Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commontater.

Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.

What do ...Read more

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes.

"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.

"Well, they feel a bit tight." replies the man.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet.

"Try pulling out on the tongue." offers the clerk.

"Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.