Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who ...Read more
Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.
Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch!
Doctor, Doctor I've had tummy ache since I ate three crabs yesterday.
Did they smell bad when you took them out of their shells?
What do you mean "took them out of their shells!"
Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a lot.
Don't worry it's just a chain reaction!
Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a bee
Buzz off can't you see I'm busy?
Doctor these pills you gave me for BO...
What's wrong with them?
They keep slipping out from under my arms!
Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage.
What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas time?
Cross mouse cards!
What's the hardest part of milking a mouse?
Getting it to fit over a bucket!
Hickory hickory dock.
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck one
But the rest got away with minor injuries
What do you call a mouse that can pick up an ...Read more
A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the beach," he was told.
"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.
The reply came back: "It's the one with all the broken windows."
Host of 'Last Week Tonight' John Oliver swings through to talk with Stephen about the current state of American politics and his own immigration status.
Top 10 Worst CGI Movie Effects
Secretary of State Rex Tillerson today said that Russia must respect its international commitments toward Ukraine — and then he winked so hard he accidentally swallowed his eyebrow.
101 of the Greatest Kid's Jokes Ever Told. Ever!M.J. Farrell
Are you looking for a little book full of funny and safe jokes for children of all ages? Look no more! This beautifully executed book provides you and your children 101 easy to read and learn jokes to keep you and your family entertained. Through sharing a laugh or two with your children and ...
There is so much going on in the world right now. Not just in the world, there’s a lot going on in the universe. For those of you who are looking to get off the planet, astronomers at the Carnegie Institution discovered more than 100 potential planets that may be habitable, which means we’re one step closer to finding a planet with ...Read more
In this press conference, Trump claimed to have had the biggest electoral win since Reagan, and when a reporter pointed out that was false, Trump responded with — and I quote — “I’ve seen that information around.” Around? He saw this information “around?” What, like it was tacked to a bulletin board next to guitar lessons and a ...Read more
How Doctor Strange Should Have Ended
Trump discussed the recent bombshell about his staff communicating with Russia, and he said that he hasn’t made a phone call to Russia in years. You could tell Trump was lying because his tie grew another three inches.
It's not what you say, but the way you say it.
On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: "Time stands still when I look into your eyes."
The girl was very flattered.
What the boy had really meant was, "You have a face that would stop a clock."
1. You attend a weekly coupon club.
2. You've been driving on the spare tire for over three months.
3. Fast food is your idea of fine dining.
4. You spend more time counting change during a single week than you spend at church.
5. You're outraged when the price of a can of soda goes up a nickel.
6. You haven't purchased a name brand product...Read more
A conceited new rookie was pitching his first game. He walked the first five men he faced and the manager took him out of the game. The rookie slammed his glove on the ground as he yelled, "Darn it, the jerk took me out when I had a no-hitter going.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards the sky; what do you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What's that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders...Read more
For forty years we have studied bird calls . There are so many different species , and to make it more difficult they have territorial accents just like people do.
The really amazing thing is, we have translated all of their calls. And the message is always the same. No matter the breed or the location, the message is always the same:
"Yah! ...Read more
When things are about to get awkward (with Allison Williams and Lil Rel).
A boy's (Kyle Mooney) old hamsters (Beck Bennett, Kate McKinnon) don't take well to his new, younger hamsters (Emily Blunt, Alex Moffat).
Famed Watergate reporter Carl Bernstein told CNN yesterday that the Trump administration is trying to cover up its ties to Russia. Bernstein wouldn’t identify his source, but did say [shows photo of Mitch McConnell] he goes by the name Loose Throat.