In other Trump news, the president's lawyer Rudy Giuliani said he's losing patience with special counsel Robert Mueller's Russia investigation and urged Mueller to "write the damn report." Rudy Giuliani is losing his patience. Which would be a shame. You'd hate for him to lose anything else. He's already lost his dignity and his reputation and ...Read more

According to a new study, roughly 20 percent of millennial parents have changed or seriously considered changing their baby's name based on what internet domain names were available at the time. "Don't make the same mistake my parents made," said Pornhub Collins.

Seth Meyers

Best Buy just purchased a company that provides emergency response services. So, next time you're having a heart attack, don't worry, the Geek Squad will be over tomorrow between 2:00 and 4:00 to save your life.

Jimmy Fallon

President Trump is busy planning a parade around Veterans Day in Washington, D.C. And remember last month they said this parade would cost $12 million? Turns out the estimate was a little bit off — it was off by about $80 million. According to a Defense official, the parade is now expected to cost $92 million. But don't worry, I'm sure he'll ...Read more

The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.

"Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master.

The vendor responds, "Change...Read more

The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big ...Read more

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on ...Read more

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does ...Read more

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested, "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"

The matchmaker said, "What exactly are you looking for?"

"Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole ...Read more

An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

Neighbors feared him because of the many...Read more

A police officer stopped a car which was zigzagging alarmingly and asked the driver what he was doing.

"I am learning to drive." was the reply.

"What? without an instructor?" exclaimed the officer.

"Oh yes," answered the driver."It's a correspondence course."

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.

The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other...Read more

A young man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and that he...Read more

After a large parrot escaped from its London home, a firefighter attempted to rescue the bird off a nearby roof. Apparently the bird's owner told the firefighter to go up there and say, "I love you." And the parrot responded with “[bleep] off.” Although the story does have a happy ending. The parrot has just been hired as Donald Trump's new ...Read more