Are you singing the lunchtime errand blues?

Tyrades! by Danny Tyree

Many of us in the workforce find ourselves performing the condensed “sprint” version of the marathon endured by hapless soccer moms.

Yes, now that my wife is working full-time and meeting her at home for lunch is not an option, I am spending a lot of noon-ish hours juggling a quick meal and rapidly multiplying errands.

The old-timey dinner bell once soothed the soul by announcing the arrival of a significant respite; but now the clanging would merely make modern Americans realize, “I forgot, I’ve got to grab a taco and vote on the noise abatement ordinance.”

If breakfast is the most important meal of the day, then lunch is the redheaded stepchild of meals.

Even in the era of online transactions and same-day delivery, most of us can quite easily assemble a checklist of chores such as renewing a driver’s license, paying property taxes, depositing a check, signing legal documents, returning a defective product, picking up prescriptions, brightening the day of nursing home patients, lifting that barge, toting that bail…

(“Sorry I got a little drunk and landed in jail, officer. Just get me back to the office by 1:00, and we’re good. I’m tired of livin’ but scared of gettin’ docked by Ol’ Man Rivers in HR.”)

The trips would be less nerve-wracking if it were easier to plan for contingencies such as traffic jams, malfunctioning credit card machines and long lines of mouth-breathers who could conduct business at any time of day but choose to do it during our narrow window of opportunity.

A simple trip to the Post Office can be particularly problematic. You might zip in and out, or you could wind up in line behind the joker who tells the clerk, “No, I don’t need to mail anything today. But I’ve been saving up my money for 70 years and want to do my patriotic duty by paying off the national debt. Are pennies okay? One…two…three…”

Undaunted, I even manage to incorporate funeral home visits into my lunch schedule. I always try to maintain proper decorum while paying my condolences, but some clock-watchers might get into a pinch and cut corners.

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