Remember late-night socializing?
Tyrades! by Danny Tyree
“After midnight, we’re going to let it all hang down.” - Eric Clapton (1970)
According to a study cited by the New York Post, in 2026 all that hangs down is the tubing on your CPAP machine.
Yes, the social butterflies are crawling back into the cocoon, and the American Dream has been downsized to “finding enough time to dream.”
Over the past two decades, the percentage of evenings that Americans spend with friends has dropped by more than half, and late-night (after midnight) socializing has almost vanished.
The governing principle now is “Friends don’t let friends…catch them without an alibi.” (“Joni! I swear we were going to invite you to game night last Friday, but …uh, Barry suddenly remembered he has a conjoined twin…”)
The Post regards this as a “depressing” development, but it would probably have tickled my late Grandmother Adams. She lectured her children, “Go to bed early and you’ll feel more like working tomorrow” and lamented youthful escapades by sighing, “Bop all night, sleep all day.”
Certainly, COVID-19 derailed countless traditional social norms; but myriad other factors have contributed. Economics, for one. It’s hard to justify staying out “until the wee hours” when you pay attention to how wee your bank account is.
The decline of alcohol consumption has dimmed the appeal of staying out past the witching hour. (“I know I nominated you for the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, Tristan; but now that I’m sober, I’m thinking that throwing up in the aquarium loses its spontaneity after the third time. Of course, if you want to put Ethan’s hand in a pan of warm water while he tries to dream, high jinks might ensue.”)
The opposite extremes of employment play a part. If you’re footloose and fancy-free 24-7, staying up late is no longer so special. And if you have one of those grueling 80-hour-a-week careers, clashes with management are inevitable. (“I demand the return of three-martini lunches! Keep the gin, vermouth and olives; I need the toothpicks to hold my eyes open!”)
Modern family dynamics take a toll on the old “night owl” lifestyle. When you have commitments to children, grandchildren AND aging parents, it’s difficult to “paint the town red.” (“Whether those were LEGO blocks or dentures I stepped on, SOMEBODY has ruined my plans for dancing until the cows come home.”)
Food allergies, trendy diets and moral stances have taken the fun out of hosting dinner parties. (“The back yard is now a game preserve slash organic garden slash non-GMO wheat field. Here’s a rifle, a hoe and a scythe. Help yourself!”)
Expensive, state-of-the-art home entertainment centers have made nocturnal excursions almost obsolete. Why cruise the streets until 3 a.m. in a fruitless search for action when you can conclude your fruitless search for a streaming show that doesn’t get canceled mid-story (!) by 10 p.m.?
It’s a brave-ish new world we’re hunkering down in. Sure, reruns of “Friends” and “The Big Bang Theory” still present a quaint notion of hanging out with peers; but I guarantee a revamped version of “How I Met Your Mother” would wrap up rather abruptly, with an admission of “I ordered her from Amazon. End of story.”
You do you, but the handwriting is on the wall.
In the immortal, er, REVISED words of Eric Clapton, “Lay down, Sally, and rest here while you digest your Early Bird Special…”
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Copyright 2026 Danny Tyree, distributed by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.
Danny Tyree welcomes email responses at tyreetyrades@aol.com and visits to his Facebook fan page “Tyree’s Tyrades.”
Copyright 2026 Danny Tyree, All Rights Reserved. Credit: Cagle.com
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