Son Is Slow To Warm To Stepdad
Q: I recently remarried after years of being a single parent. My new husband is a wonderful man. He's kind, but firm, with my three kids and plans to adopt them. But my preschool-age son is having a difficult time warming up to his new stepfather. Help!?
Jim: Based on my own experience as a young stepson, it's easy for me to see this situation through your preschooler's eyes. A new man has suddenly moved in, taking up a lot of his mother's time and attention that once belonged to him. To make things worse, she's actually been hugging and kissing this guy -- gross! And to top it all off, the new man is now telling the boy what to do and even disciplining him for misbehavior.
The problem could be even more challenging if you've struggled with consistently setting limits with your children. Many tired and busy single moms tend to be somewhat lenient with inappropriate behavior. If your new husband is a firm disciplinarian ... well, your son probably won't like it.
I'd encourage your husband to spend a LOT of special one-on-one time with your son. Sincere demonstrations of warmth and love are critical right now. I'd also suggest that Dad go out of his way to praise your boy when he behaves well, versus just disciplining him when he acts up. In other words, he needs to make intentional efforts to "catch the boy being good." Meanwhile, you can reinforce the process by firming up your own disciplinary techniques if necessary. Don't put your husband in the position of always having to play the "bad cop." Do what you can to take up some slack and give Dad a chance to appear in a more positive light.
Our counseling team would also be happy to offer further assistance. Please call them at 855-771-HELP (4357).
Q: My kids, ages 8, 12 and 14, have slipped into some bad screen habits over the summer. Lots of video games. Lots of YouTube. How can I get them to turn off the screens and do their homework once school starts?
Paul Asay, Director, Plugged In: Many parents are asking this same question. Studies suggest that screen time for teens can go up by 15% or more during the summer months. But you can rein in that screen time as school gears up again.
First, reintroduce some of your other school-year routines -- a week or two before school starts, if possible. Make sure your kids return to their regular bedtimes and get-up times. Structure parts of their days around more regular activities or chores. Get them used to a school-time cadence before school begins in earnest.
Then, as school gets going, implement some common-sense rules around screens. For example, nix the tech entertainment until their homework is done. Create some phone-free zones around your home, such as the kitchen or family room. Ban phones from the dinner table, too. (Modeling is important, so this goes for everyone in the house).
If your kids have their own phones, keep those devices out of their bedrooms at night. Alarm clocks aren't expensive, and this keeps your children from scrolling or texting way past bedtime.
Finally, make sure that you're not just replacing those screens with school: Encourage fun non-screen activities, too. Try having a regular family game night. Encourage your kids to engage in fun hobbies or crafts. Sports are always great to keep them engaged, but schools offer plenty of other clubs and activities to fill extra time.
Remember, this isn't about keeping your kids off screens as much as reminding them how fun and fulfilling life without screens can be -- even if it involves a little homework, too.
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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
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COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.








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