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Keep Our Humanity, Whatever the Cost

Parents / Georgia Garvey /

In a world that seems determined to strip us of our humanity, how can we keep it?

I've asked myself that, recently, thinking about Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy's words about the ways the Russian invasion has changed him, has changed his people. He candidly shared the struggle he says he faces in keeping his humanity.

"War is a ...Read more

Growing Up Is the Saddest Thing of All

Parents / Georgia Garvey /

It occurred to me today that childhood is the long process of separating from your mother -- first from her body, physically, and then slowly, over many years, emotionally, moving from her life into your own.

I've always listened when parents say the years go by quickly, but I've never heard, not until now, when my older son is taking his ...Read more

Informant Leaks Minutes of Swift-Kelce Committee Meeting

Parents / Georgia Garvey /

What follows are the leaked minutes from the CIA FBI NSA Joint Deep State Totally Serious Completely Legitimate Taylor Swift Travis Kelce Relationship Conspiracy Planning Committee.

COMMITTEE PRESIDENT GEORGE SOROS: Hi, everyone, and thanks for making time in your busy schedules to come to this meeting. As you know, for some time now, the C.F...Read more

Thinkers, Sinkers and Buying a Whitewater Canoe

Parents / Georgia Garvey /

Thinkers are sinkers, that's what I always say.

All right, well, I don't always say it, but I just did, and it's definitely true.

Thinkers are sinkers, and you can trust me on that, because as a wise fourth grader once said, it takes one to know one.

Thinkers are sinkers, and often they're drinkers, too.

They're sinkers (and sometimes ...Read more

I Hate the Dog Days of Winter, Doggone It

Parents / Georgia Garvey /

These are the dog days of winter.

Oh, I know, technically it's the "dog days of summer," and we have those, too, but nothing compares to late winter in the Midwest for really draining the joy from every moment you spend outdoors.

Recently here, it's been cycling through the winter prairie levels of Dante's Inferno, going from cold to snowy ...Read more

Fame Is a Four-Letter Word

Parents / Georgia Garvey /

I've had a minuscule taste of fame lately, in the sense that some people know some things about me that I haven't told them, and it's been deeply, deeply weird.

For example: My older son, who wants nothing so much as he wants to play video games for a living, cares little about my writing or book or career, but has asked me repeatedly to help...Read more

The Parental Guilt Machine, Hard at Work

Parents / Georgia Garvey /

There's a pile of paper on my dining room table -- art projects and connect-the-dots and math worksheets and snowflake puzzles and holiday quizzes and lots of pages that, on first glance, appear to be blank, faint marks visible only upon microscopic examination.

These papers, all 200,000 of them, belong to my sons, sent home by teachers who ...Read more

I'm on the Bridge to Nowhere, and Loving It

Parents / Georgia Garvey /

I've been playing a lot of bridge lately -- the card game, that is -- on my tablet in bed at night. It's a good way to wind down, and it's also less depressing than Twitter, which is basically the pit of Sarlacc at this point: You get thrown into it and you're digested alive for 1,000 years.

As much as I like bridge, though, I'll never be ...Read more

We Need a Christopher Hitchens, but We'll Never Find One

Parents / Georgia Garvey /

I write this on the 12th anniversary of the death of Christopher Hitchens.

He was a writer and speaker, an off-the-cuff, booze-and-cigarette-soaked wit of unparalleled caliber. He could find a literary or historical reference for any occasion, and it could be an education just to listen to him talk.

Hitchens was, like all humans, imperfect, ...Read more

What Makes a New Year's Resolution? Misery, Apparently

Parents / Georgia Garvey /

The new year approaches, and I've been pondering resolutions. Here's where I am so far:

1. Drink more water. This is the most hydrated generation of all time. Everyone carries gallons of water with them 24 hours a day, everywhere -- to church, the grocery store, to funerals. If I forget to put my kindergartner's water bottle in his backpack, ...Read more

Christmas in the Cabbage Patch

Parents / Georgia Garvey /

This is the story of the greatest Christmas present I never got.

It begins in 1983, when toy company Coleco released an adorable new doll called the Cabbage Patch Kid. On its oversized head, a winning smile fought its way through pudgy cheeks. Its fabric body, arms open wide awaiting a hug, was covered in dimples. On the butt of each Cabbage ...Read more

I'm Losing My Marbles Over the Parthenon Marbles

Parents / Georgia Garvey /

I've been thinking about the Parthenon marbles too much lately, having imaginary arguments in my head with museum curators and conservative Britons about how overdue their repatriation to Greece is.

That might make me sound a little nutty, but there has been, to be fair to me, a lot of media attention on the issue recently. I blame British ...Read more



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