ArcaMax

Q: My father taught me to be tough, work hard, and make my own way in life. He was a no-nonsense man who didn't share his feelings. My wife gets frustrated because I'm the same way with our son. I'm curious -- what's your take on such things?

Jim: I suppose in some ways I can understand; my own upbringing was pretty rough with no fatherly connection, and that definitely shaped me. It may have made me tougher, but it also left an undeniable void.

So, my initial response is that you should take another look not only at your relationship with your son, but also at your own deepest feelings and needs. Is it possible that, deep inside, you might be hurting -- resenting your dad for his lack of empathy and tenderness? Could you be taking out your resentment by treating your son the same? Those are questions worth considering and facing.

Meanwhile, remember that life itself will give your son plenty of adversity. Your role is to be on his team and help him face the opposition with confidence. Instead of adding to the pressure, stand beside him as an encourager, comforter, cheerleader and friend.

Many men don't seem to understand how desperately their sons need Dad's affection, approval and verbal affirmation. Love and compassion are absolutely critical to effective fathering. In raising two sons of my own, I've learned that boys even need a certain amount of appropriate physical touch from their dads.

Also, far too many guys make the mistake of trying to live vicariously through their sons -- to require that a boy share all of his father's interests and grow up to be "just like dad." Resist that temptation with every ounce of determination you've got. Help your son become who he is uniquely wired and gifted to be, and you'll both be winners.

Q: I admit that one of my parenting struggles is letting misbehavior and disobedience go unchallenged -- and I know this isn't helping my kids in the long run. Help?!

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: There are four basic parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and neglectful. Studies consistently show that authoritative parenting is the most effective and beneficial style for kids. Research also indicates that authoritative parenting can help reduce behavioral, mental, social and emotional issues in children while yielding relational and academic benefits.

Authoritative parenting involves high levels of warmth, responsiveness and sensitivity -- accompanied by limits and expectations. A practical starting point and template can be found in the 7 Traits of Effective Parenting: adaptability, respect, intentionality, steadfast love, boundaries, forgiveness and gratitude.

To become a more authoritative parent, consider focusing on these three areas:

1. Yourself. Do you need to create more boundaries for yourself (and your kids)? Take inventory of what you're doing well and where you might need improvement. Ask someone you trust to weigh in with their own observations while encouraging you as you make improvements.

2. Your child(ren). Your children want a relationship with you and crave your wise, intentional direction. What do they need to learn emotionally, mentally, socially? Get involved in what interests them. Work on modeling wisdom and true humility, along with love, respect and gratitude.

3. Your family. Ultimately, we all find time for the things that are most important to us -- so make your family a priority. Take time to connect and develop the kinds of memories you want for your family. Strengthen relationships through grace and forgiveness.

To learn more about the 7 Traits of Effective Parenting, and how they can help transform the way you raise your kids, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com/Parenting.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2026 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.