How To Guide Child Through His 'Villain' Phase
Q: Our three-year-old son is fascinated with evil characters. Whenever he plays make-believe he always takes on the role of the villain; the only action figures he wants are the "bad guys." We've made big changes to our media viewing habits -- but nothing has changed. How should we address this?
Jim: Generally speaking, I don't think there's reason to be overly concerned -- yet -- about your three-year-old's interest in villains. Many young kids are fascinated with "bad guys." If your son is like most, this phase will eventually pass.
In fact, making a big deal out of the issue might actually delay the process of getting past it. Your son could be thriving on the negative attention he's getting by focusing on this issue. Kids will do almost anything for attention -- positive or negative -- especially if they're feeling neglected. The best approach is to ignore this "villain business" and concentrate on affirming your boy for interests that are more positive.
That said, a word of caution: If your son is mimicking the behavior of the evil characters and acting out in inappropriate ways, you'll need to squelch that right away. Don't allow him to become aggressive or hurtful in his interactions with you, his siblings or other children.
Meanwhile, remember that you can use fictional children's characters to teach your child about virtuous character traits. Contrast between the "good guys" and the "bad guys." For example, you can ask your son, "Which character is more honest?" Then discuss the consequences of dishonesty. In the same way, you could ask, "Who is more helpful to other people?" This way you can direct the conversation into channels affirming positive virtues and actions.
Our counseling team would be happy to help if you'd like to unpack these thoughts in greater detail; call 855-771-HELP (4357).
Q: My husband has just been diagnosed with cancer. Obviously, we're devastated. We have the best possible medical care, so there's hope ... but what can we do to preserve our marriage as we fight this disease?
Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: My heart goes out to you. Medical crises easily become emotional and spiritual crises that can seriously challenge any marriage.
First, while I'm sure you already know this intellectually, you need to remind yourselves constantly that everything IS going to be different now. So let go of your expectations. Your response as a couple will depend upon your willingness to set aside your earlier hopes and dreams and roll with the punches of your present circumstances. In other words, you both need to become -- and remain -- adaptable.
As you navigate these difficult waters, don't forget to count your blessings. Ask yourselves, "What can we be truly grateful for in the midst of all that's happening?" If you look hard enough, you'll discover that there's always something. So, make it a priority to find new ways of enjoying life and serving others together. You might be surprised how satisfying and therapeutic this can be to both of you.
Meanwhile, don't be afraid to reach out to others for help. Sometimes your need will be as simple as a meal or a listening ear. At other times you may need advice regarding medical or legal decisions. Ask a friend (or several) to help you network at church and in your community to locate useful resources.
If you think it might be helpful to speak with a trained professional, don't hesitate to give our staff counselors a call at the number listed above. For a list of vetted therapists in your area, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/FindACounselor. Again, I wish you the best.
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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
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