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Q: My husband was an excellent athlete as a teen and collegian. Our teen son is also showing athletic promise. But he doesn't enjoy playing sports because of the pressure he gets from Dad to perform. How can I help balance the growing tension in our home?

Jim: I myself grew up enjoying and benefitting from sports, so in many ways I can understand your husband's eagerness for your son to have similar positive experiences. At the same time, my own now-adult sons didn't take to sports the way I did -- so I had to learn to temper my enthusiasm.

For some children, sports can be helpful in teaching self-discipline and encouraging the pursuit of excellence. But it's critical that the parent-child relationship ALWAYS be based on unconditional love and acceptance. Kids desperately need Mom and Dad to be their biggest cheerleaders, affirming them when they succeed -- and, especially, encouraging them when they fall short.

When we as dads (or moms) are overly competitive, we can often make the mistake of basing worth -- our kids' or our own -- on achievement. Affirming our children only when they succeed is a very bad move. It may negatively impact the child's self-esteem for the rest of his or her life. It will also place unnecessary strain on the parent-child relationship, setting up significant conflict at some point.

As a practical move, I'd suggest getting a copy of Dr. Tim Kimmel's insightful book "Grace-Based Parenting" and studying it with your husband. Then invest time discussing the changes that one or both of you may need to make in your interactions with your son. Another great resource is the book "Overplayed" by David King and Margot Starbuck. Finally, I invite you to give our staff counselors a call at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My fiancŽ and I are looking forward to getting married soon. We're having serious discussions about (hopefully) starting our family. Do you have any insights about when to have kids, how many, how far apart, etc.?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Well, there's no "one size fits all" answer to prescribe for you when to have children or how many to have. But one thing I can tell you: These are points on which you and your spouse need to be in agreement. Your relationship is unique, as are the concerns, perspectives, beliefs, goals and values each of you brings to it. No one else can dictate precisely how these factors ought to influence your decision to have children. But whatever you do, you need to be on the same page. So don't assume anything. Talk as long, as deeply and as often as you need to in order to come to a meeting of your minds.

Of course, not every couple gets to choose whether and when to have children. So, you're blessed even to be in the position of wrestling with these questions. That said, here are some principles to keep in mind:

-- Children need to be born into secure homes with loving parents. Make your marriage a priority.

-- The spacing of children depends more on the parents' emotional and relational stability -- and sometimes economic circumstances -- than on an arbitrarily chosen number of years between births.

-- Children need your time. Are you generally overcommitted to your job or hobbies? If so, you need to reevaluate your lifestyle before becoming a parent.

-- There's a price to postponing parenthood. As couples put off childbearing, they often discover that it's harder to conceive -- and that the chances of miscarriage increase -- as the years go by.

Children are a blessing if you can have them, so they deserve your absolute best. For help, see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2026 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.