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When To Remarry After Divorce

Jim Daly on

Q: Recently I've gone through a divorce that I didn't want. My ex has already moved on and there's no going back, so I'm starting to look forward myself. How soon is too soon to get married again after divorce?

Jim: There's no one-size-fits-all answer to "how soon is too soon." But since this is a question that our counselors at Focus on the Family hear on a regular basis, they have a number of suggestions that anyone in this situation should consider.

First, you should spend adequate time as a single before remarrying. This season of independence provides the space to heal from the breakup of your previous marriage. Is there unresolved anger -- or something else -- that you still need to work through? Are you finding it difficult to trust again? Resolve all of those tripping points before they complicate your next relationship.

Another key is to be certain of what you're looking for in marriage. Do you want to meet someone with integrity or a stable career? Is a good stepparent for your children at the top of your list? Think through what you really want -- and don't want -- and give yourself time to search and evaluate. Don't rush into something too fast.

Virtually all relational experts agree that couples counseling is a wise choice. It's been said that: "Marrying someone who refuses to go to therapy is like buying a new car and welding the hood shut; you need to be able to open and repair it."

I would also encourage people of faith to consult with their pastor or spiritual leader before taking the plunge once again. Address issues in your own heart first. Don't just look for the right person -- become the right person yourself.

Moving on after a divorce can be tough. But if you're open to learning, you can dramatically increase the chances that your next relationship will thrive.

Q: How can I help my husband understand just how important he is in our kids' lives? He's a great dad but he lacks confidence.

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: It might help him to know that his everyday "dad skills" aren't just ho-hum stuff. To your children, these are superpowers! These skills include:

-- Observation. This might not sound impressive, but it's huge. It's incredibly meaningful when dads take note of their kids' words and actions and reflect those back verbally. That shows Dad is trying to see into their world.

 

-- Building. Fathers can build both physically and verbally. At the very least, we can all build things with Legos with our kids. Try looking up videos on how to build things like a homemade water slide for the backyard, or a garden. While not all fathers feel confident physically building things, every dad can develop verbal building skills. Our families are fueled by our supportive words. Speak, text or write a message of love or encouragement to your kids.

-- Listening. Kids yearn to be heard. When a dad truly listens, a child feels important and loved. Listening shows that you care about the person who is talking.

-- Teaching. The three superpowers above will help unlock this one. There are so many things a dad can teach -- life skills, sports, cooking, you name it. The key to teaching is having a strong relationship with your child.

-- Strength. Dads can express physical strength in fun ways, such as wrestling with the kids, going on bike rides or playing sports. Strength of character can help dads communicate and teach values like optimism, curiosity and hope.

Your husband may not realize it yet, but his superpowers are waiting to be unleashed.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2026 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)


COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.

 

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