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Preparing To Talk To Pre-Teens About Sex

Jim Daly on

Q: In most situations I'm a pretty confident guy. But the thought of having the "birds and bees" talk with my pre-teen son has me sweating bullets. Help?!

Jim: I think most guys relate. My sons are grown men now, but I remember I was pretty nervous when the time came for me to talk with my oldest, Trent, about sex. Human reproduction can be difficult for two adults to discuss openly; it's a far more delicate conversation with a child. Still, I was ready to push forward.

After explaining the sacredness of human sexuality, I carefully described, in simple and age-appropriate terms, the basic mechanics of sex. When I finished, Trent was very quiet. He finally looked up and said, "That is weird! That is really weird!" I couldn't help but chuckle; the innocence of youth!

BUT -- that's exactly what made his reaction such a beautiful moment. My son's introduction to this life-changing issue wasn't from kids at school, television or music lyrics. It was from me, his father. That's one of the core responsibilities -- and privileges -- of parenthood.

Most of us guys appreciate that a tough job is easier with the right tools at hand. With that in mind, I'd highlight that our organization offers plenty of resources to help dads and moms walk through these challenging conversations. Visit FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting and look for the "Age and Stage" header, then check out age-appropriate articles about sexuality.

"The Talk" can be awkward -- for the child and for you. But I encourage you to take a deep breath and go for it! It very well could be one of the greatest gifts you can give to your child at the onset of their teen years.

Q: I proposed to my (now) wife because I was in love with her. But I wasn't figuring on her parents and siblings becoming a major part of my life as well once we were married. What are my relational obligations to my in-laws?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I can't know the specifics of your situation, but I can tell you're hurting. I think it's unfortunate that you feel this way. But I'm also aware that your experience is fairly common.

Like it or not, your wife's family is connected to her -- and now also to you. When you married, you became part of another family with its own set of values and expectations. Loving your wife means respecting those expectations about time with her family -- within limits, of course. You need to discuss expectations so that you can work together to discover "win-win" solutions you both feel good about.

The old saying "good fences make good neighbors" might apply. You and your wife need to agree upon and establish reasonable boundaries. Once those limits are communicated clearly, you must stand together in enforcing them.

 

Here are three things that "honoring" your in-laws does NOT mean:

-- It doesn't require that you ignore your own feelings, preferences and needs in order to "do things their way."

-- It doesn't mean that you must permit them to disrespect, control or manipulate you for their own selfish ends.

-- It doesn't entail "obeying" all their "parental" requests or requirements -- which, in some instances and with some in-laws, might get pretty crazy.

Really, this isn't so much an in-law problem as a marriage challenge. So, before the situation escalates any further, I encourage you and your wife to speak together with a qualified therapist. You can start by calling our Counseling department for a free consultation at 855-771-HELP (4357). Bottom line: You both need to agree that (1) your marriage is the priority and (2) you are a team.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2026 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)


COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.

 

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