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Q: In the past I wasn't really bothered by some of my spouse's irritating habits. But recently ... well, I'm about ready to snap. Help!

Jim: Remember: Nobody can change someone else -- the only person you can change is yourself. This doesn't mean that there are no limits to what's appropriate in a marriage: You shouldn't accept abusive behavior, and physical aggression is NEVER to be tolerated.

That said, in the case of smaller, less harmful habits, it may be worth addressing the issue if you think the change would truly benefit everyone and put your relationship on a stronger footing. If you do, keep these things in mind:

-- Tackle the problem honestly. Say something like, "Honey, it bothers me when you burp at the table. It teaches the kids a bad habit, and it's rude to guests."

-- Explain the benefit of the change. For example, "You'll be a good example to our kids, and meals will be more pleasant for all of us."

-- Don't demand change -- request it. Your spouse will likely respond more favorably.

-- Don't attack your mate. Confront the problem; don't belittle the person.

-- Discuss ways to bring about the desired result. Change is hard for everyone. Work together to find ways to alter bad habits.

-- Encourage growth. Acknowledge positive progress, and express appreciation for your mate's efforts.

-- Remember that change takes time. Be patient and reinforce that you're in this together for the long haul.

-- Look for the good in your mate. Focus on your spouse's good habits, not just the irritating ones.

-- Seek to change the habit, not the person. Trying to alter your spouse's personality or temperament is a losing battle that will end in frustration for both of you.

If you'd like, our staff counselors are happy to help you unpack these ideas. Call 855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My kids fight All. The. Time. How can I get them to stop!?!?!

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Studies show that families with multiple young children experience at least one sibling conflict every 10 minutes! That's a LOT of refereeing from parents every day.

Siblings fight for many reasons -- jealousy, being tired or hungry, desire for control, competitiveness, frustration, feeling left out, anxiety, stress, boredom ... the list goes on. Many combinations and possibilities can be involved when children choose to argue with one another. But just like they can engage in conflict, they can also participate in the solution.

Start with yourself. What happens when your children have conflict? Do you yell? Do you ignore it and then explode? Or do you just ... ignore it? Some parents simply let their kids hash it out in the hopes that "they'll figure it out." Children need guidance when it comes to resolving conflict and exhibiting empathy and patience in relationships.

Kids need to develop four key traits to manage sibling disagreements and conflict:

-- Flexibility of mind. Consider the other person's point of view and ask the question, "Is there another way to look at this?" Flexibility of mind allows for compromise and understanding.

-- Humility. Learn to consider the other person as having worth and importance -- including their interests, thoughts and opinions. This also means learning to listen to others attentively and genuinely.

-- Patience. Make sure your children know what this looks like, and help them see the benefits of patience in relationships. Patience requires self-control.

-- Self-awareness. Children need to learn to own their contribution to the problem. How well do you model this yourself?

Living with siblings is a great training ground for managing future relationships -- and learning about patience, compromise, empathy, humility and other important character qualities.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2026 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.