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Q: In the past few months both our adult son and my brother have experienced job loss and hardship. We have the resources to help. Is it wise to loan money to either or both of them?

Jim: Financial counselor Ron Blue highlights a critical point to consider in situations like this. Whenever money is loaned, the relationship between the parties involved changes. It's no longer simply brother-sister, father-son, or friend-friend -- it's borrower-lender. Loaning money to a family member introduces another level of complexity into the relationship.

This also applies in the scenario of cosigning on a loan for a family member -- in other words, putting yourself in the position of guaranteeing that person's debt. It's essentially the same thing as lending the money yourself.

So, if your family members are truly in need, you may want to seriously consider the option of simply gifting them the money. Giving generously, with no strings attached, is a commendable and positive virtue.

However, if you have reason to believe this would be impractical or unwise, then Ron Blue recommends that you establish a formal borrower-lender relationship with repayment terms and interest rates clearly defined. Both parties should understand and agree to these terms up front. Don't leave anything to chance or uncertainty (as in, "Oh, just pay me back when you can"). The terms should be documented -- in writing -- so the expectations for repayment are plain to all concerned.

It's worth repeating: No matter how you approach the situation, lending to (or borrowing from) family members is a potentially dangerous thing to do -- because of the way it changes relationships. It will almost certainly introduce tension at some point or other. I'm not saying it's wrong to enter into an arrangement like this, but it's something that needs to be approached with caution, discernment and prayer.

Q: My husband has always been faithful to me and I trust him. But sometimes he turns and looks at other women. Is it fair for me to feel hurt and upset when this happens?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Don't dismiss your emotions. A good rule of thumb in marriage is that a problem for one spouse is a problem for both. So, you'll need to talk with your husband about his tendency to turn and look at other women. But first take time to think through a few basic questions to help you frame the way you share your concerns:

-- How long has this been going on?

-- If it's a new pattern, is there anything in your husband's life right now that might account for the sudden change?

-- Have you been having difficulties in other areas of your marriage?

An important point here is that men and women really are wired differently. And there's a difference between simply looking and looking with lust. When a good-looking female walks by and a guy notices -- basically a subconscious knee-jerk reaction to a stimulus -- it's not necessarily the same thing as lusting after her. Lust involves a choice and a deliberate act of will. It's a conscious decision to pursue a desirable object instead of simply allowing it to pass on by.

Again, that's not to say that "turning and looking" can be dismissed. Any man who wants to honor his wife must learn to let sensory stimulation bounce off without taking root in his mind and heart. As the saying goes: You can't keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.

If you don't feel you can approach your husband about your concerns -- or he refuses to open up -- there might be deeper issues that should be addressed with professional counseling.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2026 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.