Life Advice



Single File: Sex as a Gift

Susan Dietz on

DEAR READERS: The woman who wrote protesting men's attitude toward sharing sex hit a nerve. Mail was robust, with wide reactions to her statement that "sex is a gift, not a right." Read on:

"Although I'm a very sexual man with no taboos or inhibitions, I think a man who grabs or gropes a woman without her consent is shameless, cowardly and disrespectful and deserves a knee you-know-where. Sex ought to be a delightful union between consenting adults."

"A woman doesn't owe sex to a man. Ever. I don't care how nice dinner was or if he won't call again unless we hit the sheets! As a single woman in my 40s, I realized long ago that if he'll cut me loose for refusing sex, he'll cut me loose for another reason even if we do have sex. When I really like someone, I'm upfront about my morals, and if he doesn't agree, he's free to leave. The men who opt out aren't missed for long, and the ones who stick around are worth remembering."

"I agree with you, Susan. Women enjoy sex as much as men. It releases chemicals and allows us to laugh. As for the reader from the Victorian era who thinks sex is a gift from women to men, she's wrong and way too serious."

"Whew! You came to my rescue just in time with your comments on Pam's word 'gift' in reference to sex. It set off my alarm bells. Couldn't agree with you more that if either party feels he or she is doing the other a favor, then he or she isn't. It's actually an insult! Funny story on this same point: My girlfriend and I got back home after a long, rainy trip home. We had one of those 'we know what the other likes' sexual sessions before drifting off to sleep. The next morning, though, we discovered that neither one of us had really wanted sex but neither of us wanted to disappoint the other. Now that's the right attitude!"


To sum up, this bit of wisdom discovered in a fortune cookie: "Love goes nowhere uninvited."


Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks -- in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.



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