Family Doesn't Celebrate Birthdays Equally
DEAR HARRIETTE: It feels like my parents neglect to recognize my birthday every year, and it is becoming painful. My birthday was about two months ago, and they didn't make time to celebrate with me. I shared with them that I'd love to go out to dinner or do something together. After the day passed with no celebration, I told them that this often happens and then I am expected to create birthday plans for all my siblings, which I find inconsiderate. Today is my brother's birthday, and my dad asked if I had any plans in mind. I said no. Then he asked what I thought about a restaurant that I had asked to go to for my birthday. None of my siblings or parents planned anything for me, so I think it is fair for me to sit this one out. This is genuinely a sore spot for me, but my dad says I am being petty. I am an adult; why do birthday celebrations still mean so much to me? In the same breath, why does my family overlook mine? -- Birthday Boundaries
DEAR BIRTHDAY BOUNDARIES: Birthdays are important, as they mark your time on the planet. For people who celebrate birthdays, it can be a special time to highlight the milestone. When families celebrate birthdays but forget to honor some members, it can be hurtful. If your sibling is old enough to have consciously participated in making your day special, then you can make your point by not attending that party.
Have a heart-to-heart with your parents and make it known to them how deeply hurt you are that they seem to neglect your big day but remember their other children.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My half siblings and I have worked hard to develop a deep bond. Now that we have it, I don't want anything to get in the way of that. My dad's side of the family seems to have given my siblings the impression that my mother was the "other woman." Although my mom and dad are still together, she doesn't attend any family function unless it's hosted by me or someone on her side. She rarely attends things on my dad's side, and if she does, my siblings never speak to her -- even if they're in my house! I asked my dad about it, and he fell silent. He said he doesn't want to get involved. How can he allow some of his children to completely disrespect his wife, my mother? If he won't say something, I will! Will this risk the bond I've built with my siblings? Should that matter? -- Taking Sides
DEAR TAKING SIDES: Talk to your mother. Point out your observations about the family dynamics and tell her your suspicions -- namely, that your siblings blame her for breaking up their family. Ask her if it's true. Tell her how upset you are that they don't seem to speak to you or interact. Ask her if there's anything you can do to help. If it is true, everyone is in a bit of an awkward situation. You may have to agree to let things be. Yes, you are involved as this is your family, but it is your parents' business.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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