'love' Doesn't Have To Mean 'love Love'
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When writing letters to friends -- and I am of the generation that treats emails like letters -- I am often unsure whether to end the letter with "Love" or "Best."
When my mother was teaching me how to write letters, she said it should always end with "Love, Name" unless it was a business letter, in which case it should end with "Sincerely, Name."
As time has gone on, I have noticed that unless someone is a very close friend, they usually end letters with "Best" (still saving "Sincerely" for business). So I do the same.
Has ending letters with "Love" become too presumptuous, cloying or, well, icky? Is there a point at which someone progresses from "Best" to "Love," perhaps as they progress from liking to loving?
I don't really LOVE that many people. Obviously if someone begins using "Love" with me, I will follow suit, but being the first to do so makes me uncomfortable.
GENTLE READER: And now even "Dear," as a salutation, is considered emotionally compromising, at least by those who break in with the chipper "Hi!" And your banker might be startled at "Yours truly," thinking you had declared yourself truly his, and what was he supposed to do about that?
Ah, yes. Conventions are now analyzed for their literal meanings. But time was when it would not seem odd to write a letter such as:
Esteemed Sir,
You are a cad not fit for civilized society. Beware. I will seek my revenge.
Your humble and obedient servant,
Name
And young ladies who addressed one another with "Love" were not assumed to be nurturing wild passions.
Even Miss Manners finds herself succumbing to such scrutiny. When she sees the sign-off "Best," she can't help thinking, "Best what? Wishes? Regards? Best you can do?"
So you should probably confine "Love" to those who understand it as an expression of warm friendship, and take it down to "Affectionately" or "Fondly yours" to those who don't.
"Sincerely yours" will do for the rest. You are sincere, are you not?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've participated in a local book club at my library for a few months. I've decided to leave the club due to the constant flow of personal experiences that are, at best, tangentially related to the book.
Do I need to tell the host, or can I just stop attending? Should I tell the host that I found the personal comments to be excessive? The rest of the group does not seem to mind the personal comments, as many attendees contribute to the format.
GENTLE READER: Rather than saying that members should be discussing literature, not their personal lives, could you just say that the club was not the right fit for you?
Miss Manners doubts that you need to say either -- only that you find you can no longer attend. But please do not criticize the other members. They are enjoying the club the way it is, and relating books to personal experiences is not an intellectual crime. Nor is having a book club that is more social than studious, although it does not suit you.
Perhaps the librarian can steer you to a more academically oriented club.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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