People Keep Annoying Me While I'm Shopping
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When shopping for clothes, perfect strangers will offer their opinions and show me clothes that they have picked out for me, when no request for their help has been made.
I know that they are doing this to be kind, but I know exactly what I want to buy, so why do people do this? How can I respond to their offers of assistance when I am shopping for clothes?
GENTLE READER: "Thank you, but I know what I'm looking for. That green polka dot dress with the pink frill would look adorable on you, though. Why don't you try it?"
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A colleague just sent me a "friends and family" letter, months after the holidays. In itself, this is fine. I have never received a family letter from them before; we are friendly, but we don't socialize together.
When I opened it, I was happy to be receiving their news. The first paragraph described their last birthday party in great detail -- a party I wasn't invited to, although we live in the same city. The next paragraph described their forthcoming book, with a QR code to purchase it.
When I realized I was receiving an advertisement disguised as an acknowledgment of friendship, my pleasure about the outreach evaporated.
Am I out of line to have taken this as a breach of etiquette? Is this mixing of personal and commercial now proper? Would Miss Manners approve if we send out a QR code to purchase what we're selling in our next holiday letter?
GENTLE READER: This letter is not only a breach of etiquette, but also a conflict of professional interest. Since the author is a colleague, it is unethical to try to solicit business from you.
Miss Manners assumes that is why you made the so-called friends list. But friends also do not openly advertise parties to others who were not invited.
Either way, no response -- or reciprocal QR code -- is required.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Which is the polite way to get to your seat when you have to pass several people (sitting or standing) in a row at the opera, etc.? I always thought that you should face the people you are passing (showing your prettier side), but a lot of people turn their backs.
Another issue: The public starts to applaud before the conductor has lowered his or her arms and the orchestra has played the last note. Is this a tradition in this country? Sometimes the most beautiful notes are drowned out.
GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, your "prettier side" usually involves awkward face-to-face eye contact. Miss Manners therefore requires turning one's back -- while also showing one's profile and expressing thanks and apologies for stepping on toes and purse straps.
As for waiting for the last note, just as with not clapping between symphony movements, it is customary for an educated audience to do so. Miss Manners is not aware of this being a specifically American gaffe.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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