Is The Container Part Of The Gift?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend came to a dinner party and brought with her the tin I had given her at Christmas. It had been filled with homemade curried nuts, and she had eaten those and washed out the tin. She apologized for not returning it sooner and left it on my kitchen counter.
Last Christmas, I gave another friend some small packages of fancy store-bought popcorn, which I put in a basket that I'd purchased and decorated especially to be part of that gift. The basket was later returned to me.
I've always considered the container -- whether a tin, basket or jar that contains a food item or other small presents -- to be part of the gift. It's intended to be kept or given away by the recipient, but not returned to the giver.
This has happened to me often enough to cause me to wonder if I'm being rude by not returning the containers I receive with gifts. I have always kept them, whether to use in my house or to hold gifts for other people. Should I be returning them?
GENTLE READER: One is expected to return containers that are clearly part of the originating household and are used for ferrying informal gifts -- such as homemade pies or leftovers from family dinners.
Everything else you get to keep, although Miss Manners is still pondering whether Salome should have returned the silver platter.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would it be wrong for a church member to ask people to leave the church due to disruptive and inappropriate behavior?
My husband and I very much enjoy the Christmas Eve services at our church, and many guests attend. This year, there was one group of guests that sat in front of us, and I've seen kindergartners who were better behaved.
The two women, especially, were disruptive and apparently didn't know that sound travels. They started pointing at the pastor and giggling and whispering back and forth, obviously making fun of her.
When the choir was singing, the older of these two women started singing along, loudly, while everyone else in the congregation was quietly listening. This went on through the entire service. Toward the end, the older one cupped her hand around the younger one's ear and whispered something to her. The younger one burst into laughter and she could not gain her composure, laughing loudly and shaking through the remainder of the service!
Even people in her party were looking at her with disgust. I don't know why they bothered coming if they were going to be their own entertainment. They spoiled the service for that entire section in the congregation.
Would it have been wrong or out of place for me to ask these women to excuse themselves from the service?
GENTLE READER: As this was more than just a case of the church giggles, Miss Manners believes you could have politely asked them to have their talk elsewhere. It sounds like they would have been more than happy to have an excuse to do so.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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