Sometimes Incredulity Is The Best Response
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I meet new people and tell them where I earned my bachelor's degree and what my plans for the future are, I frequently get comments and questions such as, "Wow, you must be really smart," or "Did you do well on the MCAT?" or "What was your GPA?"
Having been raised to consider this information personal, I am unsure how to respond. It is not information I feel comfortable sharing with people I know, much less people I have just met.
If the questions are yes-or-no (such as "Did you always excel at school?"), stating "yes" comes across as though I am bragging, but to say "no" would be a lie. (When I once replied "yes" to this type of question, the person responded by telling me that I was cocky.)
How do I respond to these inappropriate questions without seeming either rude or arrogant?
GENTLE READER: What house were you in?
Sorry, just a little joke from a school where they learn to avoid that tedious conversation by answering "Where did you go to college?" with "In the northeast."
But your questioners are also asking about test scores? Miss Manners would be unable to resist asking incredulously, "Do you even remember your old test scores?"
And if they say yes, you can say, "Well, you must be really smart." Without adding "... and must not have a life."
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm pleased that our daughter is teaching her children (ages 4 and 7) about thank-you notes. My question concerns the e-card version of this.
With a written note, certainly a parent must stamp and address it, and perhaps hover over the child to inspire them to write. But the results are a delight for both receiver (sweet childish notes, misspellings and all!) and sender (learning to express thankfulness).
With an e-card, one wonders if the child had any role at all, and if so, what they learned from it. Even if the child could type, does a mailed birthday card, attached to a package or gift of money, merit only an e-card reply?
This may be an issue the generations view quite differently -- that mailed thank-yous, birthday and anniversary greetings may be seen as charming but archaic.
If etiquette suggests we get with the times, I will receive these e-thanks as happily as handwritten ones. (And if so, I assume texting and regular emails also suffice.) At the moment, though, I am slightly disappointed.
GENTLE READER: That is because your daughter taught part of the lesson, but not the hard part.
That presents require thanks is the first major lesson, especially as it is no longer universally practiced. So that is valuable.
What she has apparently not taught is that it is not enough to send a mere receipt, such as a rote text, which is probably pre-composed. Rather, the expression must be personal. Even toddlers can be urged to say something sincere and specific -- about both the present and the donor's kindness.
That is a lesson that has an even deeper value than the essential social one.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN
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