Aging Is No Reason to Fade Away
Dear Annie, I'm 73 years old, healthy, active and still very much interested in the world around me. I exercise four days a week, love going to the theater, keep up with current events and have a better social life than I did in my 40s. Yet lately, I've noticed something that I never expected. I've become invisible.
It happens in little ways. At restaurants, waiters look past me and address my younger companions. At stores, salespeople barely acknowledge me. Recently, I was shopping for a new car, and the salesman kept directing his answers to my 45-year-old daughter, even though I was the one buying it. I finally said, "You know, I'm the one with the checkbook." He laughed, but I wasn't joking.
What hurts even more is that it's happening in my own family. At Sunday dinners, my adult children talk over me or dismiss my opinions with comments like, "Oh, Mom, things are different now." My grandchildren are wonderful, but they seem surprised when I know anything about technology, music or the world they live in.
Last month, my family planned a weekend getaway and didn't include me. When I asked why, my daughter said, "We just figured you wouldn't be interested in all that activity." Annie, I was hiking in the mountains the weekend before!
I know aging is a privilege, and I'm grateful for my health and the life I've had. But I'm tired of people treating me as though my best years are behind me. I still have dreams, opinions, a sense of humor and plenty of life left to live.
The hardest part is that I'm beginning to question myself. I used to walk into a room feeling confident and interesting. Now I sometimes wonder whether anyone even notices I'm there.
I don't want to become bitter or spend my later years demanding attention. But I also don't want to quietly fade into the background just because I've passed a certain birthday.
How do I remind the people around me, especially my own family, that I'm still the same woman I've always been? -- Still Here, Still Me
Dear Still Here: I love your enthusiasm for life. Clearly, 73 is hardly an age to disappear!
Tell your children how you feel. They may not realize that their efforts to protect you are making you feel excluded. And don't be afraid to speak up when someone overlooks you. Most importantly, keep hiking, laughing and enjoying life. Age is partly a state of mind, and yours sounds wonderfully young.
Remember, you don't become invisible because you get older. You become invisible when you start believing you have nothing left to offer. And from the sound of it, you have plenty!
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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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