ArcaMax

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 18 years, and I love him dearly. But lately, there are nights when I fantasize less about romance and more about having my own quiet bedroom.

My husband snores so loudly that I can hear him from the hallway with the bedroom door closed. It starts almost the minute his head hits the pillow. I have tried nudging him, rolling him onto his side, buying special pillows, using earplugs and even playing white noise. Nothing works for long.

A few weeks ago, I had an important presentation at work the next morning and desperately needed a good night's sleep. Around 2 a.m., after waking him for what felt like the 10th time, he got annoyed and told me, "I'm asleep. What do you want me to do about it?" I grabbed my pillow and went to the couch. The next morning, I was exhausted, cranky and still had a stiff neck from sleeping badly.

Now I find myself dreading bedtime. Some nights I sleep in the guest room before he even starts snoring, which makes me sad because bedtime used to be when we talked, laughed and felt closest.

He thinks I am making too big a deal out of something he cannot control. I think months of broken sleep are turning me into someone I don't recognize.

How do I convince the man I love that this isn't about being annoyed by a little noise -- it's about saving my sleep and maybe our marriage? -- Sleepless Beside My Snorer

Dear Sleepless: Your husband may be asleep through the problem, but you certainly aren't. Snoring this severe is worth discussing with a doctor, especially since it can sometimes be a sign of sleep apnea.

There is no need to feel guilty for sleeping in the other room. A good marriage does not require two exhausted people sharing the same mattress every night. You have to protect your own health if you are going to be able to help him at all. Sleep is a pillar of health.

Dear Annie: My husband and I have a small but surprisingly persistent disagreement about flowers. I love fresh flowers in the house. They make me happy, and I enjoy picking out a bouquet for the kitchen or dining room.

My husband thinks they're a waste of money because they die so quickly. He prefers artificial flowers and keeps telling me they look just as good. To me, they don't. Every time he brings home another fake arrangement, I cringe a little.

I know this isn't exactly a marriage-ending problem, but it has become one of those silly things we keep arguing about. He thinks I'm wasteful, and I think he's turning our home into a furniture showroom.

Is there a compromise that might keep us both happy? -- Flower Lover

Dear Flower Lover: This is exactly the kind of small disagreement that doesn't need a winner.

Set a reasonable budget for fresh flowers and let your husband enjoy a few artificial arrangements of his own. Marriage requires compromise -- but thankfully, it doesn't require pretending plastic tulips smell good.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.