ArcaMax

Dear Annie: My twin sister and I have been compared to each other for as long as I can remember. As children, people compared our grades, our looks, our friends and even our personalities. We always laughed it off, but now that we are older, I'm beginning to realize how much those comparisons still affect me.

My life has turned out very well. I have a successful career, a happy marriage, a comfortable home and enough financial security to travel and enjoy things I worked hard for. My sister has had a much rougher road. She went through a painful divorce, had to sell the house she loved and has struggled financially ever since. She was laid off from a job she had held for years, and after finally finding another position, she was recently passed over for a promotion she desperately wanted. She has told me more than once that she feels as though everyone else is moving forward while she keeps getting knocked backward.

I love her more than almost anyone in the world, and watching her struggle is painful. But I've noticed that I have started hiding parts of my own life from her. I hesitate before mentioning a vacation, change the subject when something good happens at work and sometimes even avoid wearing or talking about something new because I don't want her to feel bad.

The strange part is that she has never actually asked me to do this. Most of the guilt seems to be coming from me. Sometimes I wonder whether being twins makes me feel as though our lives were supposed to turn out more equally.

I want to be a loving and supportive sister, but I don't think I should have to feel ashamed of being happy. How do I celebrate my own life without making my sister feel that I am rubbing my good fortune in her face? -- Guilty Twin

Dear Guilty: Life comes in waves. Right now, you're in a good place and your sister is having a hard time, but that doesn't mean she will always be stuck in that tough place. Try to remind her of that and be a supportive rock for her to lean on.

Remind her that one difficult chapter does not define her life. The negative things that happened to your sister were not completely in her control. If she keeps trying every day to make positive change in her life, the tide will start to turn.

You don't have to feel guilty for being happy. I don't think your sister would want that either. Just keep loving her through the rough patch.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.