ArcaMax

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 15 years, and we agree on most things except how to spend our free time. I love to travel. Even a long weekend in a new city makes me feel excited and alive. I enjoy planning the itinerary, trying local restaurants and coming home with stories and memories. My husband would rather stay home, work in the yard, watch a game and sleep in his own bed.

Whenever I suggest a trip, he immediately starts listing the cost, the airport delays, the crowds and everything that could go wrong. Last year, I planned a four-day trip for our anniversary, and he spent most of the time complaining about the hotel mattress and how much everything cost. I came home feeling more disappointed than refreshed.

Lately, I have started traveling with my sister or a close friend, but my husband gets quiet and hurt when I go without him. He says married couples should want to experience things together. I agree, but I also do not think I should have to give up something that brings me so much joy. At the same time, when he suggests another quiet weekend at home, I feel restless and trapped.

I love my husband and enjoy the life we have built, but I am beginning to resent always having to choose between traveling without him and staying home unhappy. How can two people with completely different ideas of adventure find a compromise that does not leave either one feeling rejected? -- Packed and Ready

Dear Packed and Ready: Marriage does not require two people to share every interest. It requires them to respect what brings the other person joy.

Plan one or two trips a year that suit you both, perhaps somewhere relaxing with fewer crowds and less rushing. Then travel with your sister or friends without guilt, while encouraging your husband to enjoy his time at home. Compromise should stretch both people a little, not leave one person permanently stuck on the couch.

It may help to talk less about the destination and more about what travel means to each of you. For you, it sounds like adventure, discovery and making memories. For him, home may represent comfort, security and peace of mind. Neither perspective is wrong, but understanding the feelings beneath your preferences can make compromise feel less like sacrifice.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.