Life Advice



My Best Friend Makes Me Feel Like Second Choice

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: When our sons married and left home, my husband and I decided to make sure our sons and their families would never have to choose who to visit on any holiday. We also wanted to make sure that we got to see all of our extended family members during the holidays. So, we announced that we would always have our holiday get togethers at our house a week before or after the actual holiday.

So far, this has worked out great for everyone. Last year, we held Christmas on Dec. 18. We had some family drive from 700 miles away to be there. All the travelers had the opportunity to have a Christmas celebration with their families at home, and our local family knew weeks ahead of time to ask for time off when needed. The grandchildren helped put together a buffet meal, and everyone showed up with gifts (usually home-cooked sweets).

We also celebrate birthdays when it is convenient for all the family members. Sometimes, we even have a special Halloween with the grandkids so we can all eat candy together.

We hope that all our family members will remember that having a celebration on a specific date on the calendar is not important. What is important is that we get together and enjoy each other's company.

P.S. Sometimes we do have to be very flexible to make sure everyone we want to see can work with the dates we choose for celebrations! -- Stress-Free Holidays in Louisiana

Dear Stress-Free Holidays in Louisiana: Props to you for your flexibility and impressive hosting skills.

What a great reminder as we approach Easter next month: The true importance of a holiday lies not in its calendar date but in who we spend it with.

Dear Annie: I have had one of my friends since our freshman year of high school, and I have always considered her more of a sister than a friend. We have been through ups and downs and have always been there for each other. We have lived in separate cities since high school, but I recently moved to the same city she has lived in for the last couple of years. We now live within 10 minutes of each other, and I thought it would be great.


Well, was I wrong! She has never had a boyfriend, but she met this boy a couple of months ago who ended up moving in with her before they became officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I was so happy for her because she seemed so happy. But ever since she met him, I've felt like I'm always her second choice and she never has time for me. Even when I ask the simplest things, like, "Hey, you are in my neighborhood on a walk, why don't you stop by?" she flat out says no. I feel like she has drastically changed for the worse.

I understand that things change when people meet their significant others, but that shouldn't completely get in the way of a friendship that has been a thing for 10-plus years. Am I being overdramatic? Or overthinking this? I feel like I've lost a sister to a person who may not be around for the long run, and I can't keep hanging on, feeling like I'm her second choice, that she doesn't have time for me or like it's a problem for her to want to hang out with me. -- A Concerned and Sad Friend

Dear Concerned and Sad Friend: A friendship of this nature can handle a serious conversation. Be direct with your friend about how much you've missed her. Lost in her first love, she might not realize her newfound relationship has an indirect impact on her friendships.

In addition to spending time with her one-on-one, ask to join the two of them for a meal or an outing. If he's this important to her and she's, of course, important to you, it's worth making the effort and getting to know all there is to love about her new beau.


"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to



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