Ghosting is ruthless. So why are we all doing it?

LOS ANGELES -- Alexis Fischer was excited to jump back into the dating world after being single for two years.

The professional dancer-turned-entrepreneur took time to heal from her breakup with her ex-boyfriend of nearly four years. She also wanted to focus on building her business, the Move by Lexfish app, where she teaches virtual Pilates, dance and other fitness classes. Then, in May, she was accepted on Raya, an exclusive, membership-based app that initially focused on dating but has expanded into a digital spot to build friendships and business relationships.

Fischer started messaging two men and eventually went on multiple dates with each of them. She kept in touch with them via text and FaceTime, and things were seemingly going well, until all of a sudden: crickets.

"I've been ghosted twice in the past month," a teary-eyed Fischer said in a video on TikTok, where she has more than 28,000 followers.

In dating, ghosting is when someone ends all communication without giving the other person any warning or explanation. In the video, Fischer went on to talk about how the experience bruised her ego and left her feeling rejected. Dozens of people commented, saying that they had had similar experiences.

"It was just absurd to me," said Fischer, 30, of the South Bay, told The Times. "You start to question yourself, like 'Did I say something? Did I do something?' And you read back all your texts and just kind of go crazy."

It wasn't as if she thought either of these men were "the love of her life," she said, but she would have preferred for them to let her know that they didn't want to date her anymore rather than disappearing and causing "emotional turmoil" for her.

"We need to all collectively be better," she said in a follow-up TikTok video. "We don't need to ghost. We are better than that. Send a clear text, a voice note, call them … Just be clear."

With the rise of online dating and social media, ghosting has become a common experience for many people. A 2023 Forbes survey, which polled 5,000 U.S. residents who'd actively been on dates within the last five years, found that 60% of respondents said they had been ghosted before.

Meanwhile, 45% said they have ghosted another person. Findings also show that men and women are equally to blame: Forty-four percent of men and 47% of women said they'd ghosted someone before. (This study didn't appear to be inclusive of all gender identities.)

...continued

swipe to next page