Ghosting is ruthless. So why are we all doing it?

Ebony Utley, a professor of communication studies at Cal State Long Beach, said ghosting has likely been around forever. However, because there are now so many ways to reach someone whether it's via phone, email or lurking on their social media, ghosting has become more intentional.

L.A.-based marriage and family therapist Ali Cortes said the COVID-19 pandemic has played a role in people communicating less with others.

"It's a trend that is acceptable," Cortes said, adding that no one likes to be on the receiving end of it.

Many experts agree that ghosting is generally frowned upon with the exception being if you feel unsafe around someone or if any red flags such as lying or abusive behavior pops up.

Letting someone know that you're no longer interested in them can feel nerve-wracking. (We all get it.) But getting ghosted feels way worse. Here's what experts say you should do instead.

What actually happens when people ghost others?

There are several reasons why people ghost. Some do it because they're afraid of confrontation. Others think they are sparing the other person's feelings, while some simply don't think they owe the other person an explanation.

"People lie for two reasons," said Utley, author of the 2019 book "He Cheated, She Cheated, We Cheated: Women Speak About Infidelity." "They lie to protect themselves, and they lie to protect other people. So ghosting lets people do both at the same time."

A ghoster may think, "'I protect myself from being a bad person,'" Utley said, "'and I protect you from hating me by not explaining the real reason why I don't want to know you anymore.'"

No matter which way you slice it, suddenly disappearing without letting the other person know can cause more harm than good. Although research hasn't fully explained the psychological effects of ghosting, a 2020 study published by the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health related its effects to "ostracism," which could cause feelings of "loneliness, depressed mood, frustration, anxiety and helplessness."

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