Why writing an accurate profile is better than creating an interesting one

As anyone who has tried it knows that online dating can have its fair share of challenges … and it all starts with writing your profile. And as someone who has read thousands of bios over the years, believe me when I say that many (very many) people are going about it incorrectly.

Sure, there are the common mistakes: lazy profiles that someone clearly put zero effort into, making off-putting spelling mistakes, or ranting about all the things they do NOT like and are NOT looking for in a partner (for the record: please keep the negativity out of your bio). But another pitfall in profile writing is creating something you think will make people swipe right rather than an accurate representation of yourself.

Maybe you’ve experienced this yourself. Someone on Bumble or Hinge writes about how they love to travel, hike, go out to eat and see concerts. But when you get to know them, you find out that they actually spend most of their time binge-watching Netflix. And while there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, it’s not what made you want to get to know them. (This can also go the complete opposite way — someone might hint that they’re a homebody, but you come to find out they’re actually someone who goes out with friends until 4 a.m. every weekend.)

Even if you’re not outright lying or presenting an exaggerated version of yourself, it’s important not to write a profile just because you think it makes you sound interesting. Because the key word here is “think” — in reality, you have no idea what your match is looking for — everyone is different. But one thing is for sure: If you don’t describe yourself accurately in your bio, you’re setting your match up for disappointment … and consequently, yourself.

People might be tempted to leave the quirkier parts of their personality out of their profile. But these are the kinds of things that make your profile stand out from the crowd. Who knows? You might connect with someone on playing the same little-known video game, having a thing for French pop music or dressing up in matching PJs with your dog every Christmas. Or if someone is unfamiliar with some of your hobbies, it’s the perfect chance for them to send you an opening message to ask about it.

I recently wrote this Bumble profile for a client:

“Nurse by day … by night, animal rescue worker, football watcher, cheesecake connoisseur, and country music super fan (I’ve only seen Luke Bryan in concert 18 times… so far).”

By including quite a few of her hobbies, there are plenty of opportunities for someone to reach out and connect because they have a common interest. But, for example, even if someone isn’t a country music fan themselves, they might be intrigued to know why Luke Bryan is such a favorite. Does he put on a great show? What’s the best song for me to listen to first if I’ve never heard one of his hits before? All great chances to kick off a conversation.

Sure, you’re probably not going to outright share some of the things you’re trying to improve about yourself. (Who would swipe right on “My morning breath is rancid”?) But the best thing to do when writing your online dating profile is to make sure it is an accurate reflection of yourself. That way, you’re attracting people who will be a good match for you … not the ultra-interesting, incredibly impressive version of yourself that you’ve created but the real, everyday you.

Not sure if your profile is a good representation of yourself? Ask a trusted friend to give it a read and ask if it sounds like you. They’ll let you know.