“You bought what? And it cost how much?”

Be honest: Have you ever been called out by your spouse for spending too much? Or maybe you’ve been the one to bristle at a fresh batch of shopping bags brought home by your better half?

Bankrate’s latest financial infidelity survey revealed that 30 percent of U.S. adults who are married or living with a romantic partner have spent more than their spouse/partner would be okay with. That makes secret spending the most common form of financial infidelity, a broader category that also includes secret debt (23 percent), secret savings accounts (19 percent), secret credit cards (18 percent) and secret checking accounts (17 percent).

The most common explanation among those who have committed financial infidelity is “privacy/a desire to control my own finances.” But even this well-intentioned explanation can drive a wedge into relationships, making it important to find a way to maintain some financial independence, while also working toward shared financial goals. The “yours, mine and ours” approach could be the answer.

How “yours, mine and ours” works

The concept is pretty simple: “Yours, mine and ours” budgets are made up of a mix of joint and separate financial accounts. Each member of the couple gets an agreed-upon amount of money that they can spend as they wish, while the rest of the funds — usually the majority — are combined into one account to pay joint household expenses.

The key is to agree upon the specific parameters ahead of time. For instance, you might designate a certain sum, such as $100 per pay period, for individual spending outside of your shared account. Or maybe it’s a percentage. Whatever you decide, it’s crucial to be on the same page. When one person squirrels money away without the other’s knowledge, that’s financial infidelity.

Agreeing that you each have some money that’s yours and yours alone can be a healthy way to foster independence and nip financial squabbles in the bud. You no longer have your spouse or partner looking over your shoulder and questioning how much you spent on nights out with friends, video games, new shoes … you get the idea.

How different generations view money and relationships

Our survey found that “yours, mine and ours” is the most common arrangement among Gen Xers (ages 44 to 59) and millennials (ages 28 to 43) who are married or living with a romantic partner, at 40 percent and 36 percent, respectively.

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