Ghosting is ruthless. So why are we all doing it?

Let's be friends

It may be tempting to end this tough conversation by saying "We can be friends" as a way to cushion the blow. But experts warn that you shouldn't say this or agree to it unless that's what you actually want. Doing so can sometimes make the other person think they still have a chance with you romantically. It can also leave the door open for them to cross your boundaries.

Instead, Utley recommends saying something like this: "I've enjoyed getting to know you, but I don't want us to be in communication anymore."

"Yes, it is a very difficult thing to say," Utley said. "And, yes, it's a very difficult thing to hear. But if you don't want to be in communication anymore, you're going to get that. That person is not going to keep reaching out to you, and if they do, you might have to get the police involved. But at least you've been clear."

Should you have this conversation in person?

When asked whether you should have this conversation in person, via text or over the phone, Utley advised picking whichever one makes you feel most comfortable.

Any of these options is "better than nothing," she said, "because sometimes those in-person conversations end up being conversations when you really just want to end a relationship."

If you think an in-person conversation might go sideways or put you in a dangerous situation, then a phone call or text might be best, Utley said.

Ultimately, no matter what's said, there's still a chance that the conversation may not be well received.

"I think how the other person responds is a variable that we can't control," said Chang, who's also the program director for Lighthouse Counseling Solutions. They might be mature about it or they might have a complete meltdown. However, it's not your responsibility to make the other person "feel better about the breakup because they are going to interpret it however they want to interpret it," he said.

Your only job — and the only thing you can control — is being transparent, clear and respectful about your desire to end communication.

The long-term benefit

There could be another positive outcome from having this conversation. Utley said learning how to communicate effectively can help you become a better friend, parent, sibling, neighbor, employer, colleague and employee. "This kind of practice is going to help you if you ever have to deliver bad news to anyone, anywhere, at any time," she said. "Practicing these things now will help you do that and make all those forthcoming situations in your life a little bit easier."

Cortes likes to think of this skill as an act of kindness toward yourself and the other person.

"If I do this one hard thing of rejecting [someone], I'm actually helping both of us have a healthier dynamic with other people," she said. By saying no to this person, you are ultimately saying yes to yourself and freeing the other person to do the same.

A new dating standard

A few months after Fischer's back-to-back ghosting experiences, she started messaging another guy she had met on Instagram. They FaceTimed several times, but she eventually realized that they were on different paths in their lives and ultimately weren't compatible. So she decided to break it off with him.

He responded with "a nice, long message," she said, acknowledging that he couldn't give her what she was looking for at the time and that he respected her decision. Then they went their separate ways.

"I was a little sick to my stomach about it, and then once we had the conversation, I was like, 'Oh, my gosh. I feel so light. I feel clear,'" she said. "Let's have that conversation always."

The experience has given Fischer a new perspective and confidence about dating. It's also taught her that being ghosted is "not a reflection of me at all because I know I'm a catch," she said. "I know what I have to offer."