Ask Amy: A new diagnosis inspires important questions
Dear Amy: I am a 45-year-old woman who was just diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum.
I never suspected I might be autistic until last year, when a friend discovered that she was autistic and sent me some articles about the non-stereotypical ways autism can present itself in women.
After going through the professional evaluation process and learning more about autism, I am almost certain that both my older sister and my 80-year-old mother are on the spectrum, too.
Should I tell them about my diagnosis and suspicions about them? If so, how? We are a family that never discusses emotions or meaningful experiences, but I am in almost daily text-message contact with both of them (about trivial things like cooking or sharing photos of our dogs).
I would be uncomfortable even bringing up my diagnosis because it is virtually taboo to discuss our inner lives within the family.
In my teens and early 20s, my mother bluntly told me she didn’t want to discuss the hard parts of my life, and that has set the stage ever since.
However, I think that if my family members are on the autism spectrum, the understanding that would come from learning this information could be life-changing for them in important and positive ways.
On the other hand, would it be too upsetting for my aging mother, who despite a lifetime of trauma has always eschewed introspection and therapy, to be confronted with this possibility at her age? Please help!
– Nervous & Uncertain
Dear Nervous: Surely this new awareness into the workings of your own brain would bring you insight into the dynamic within your family. It seems to me that if your mother is also on the autism spectrum, this might at least partially explain her discomfort with diving into more emotional matters. Communication is a common challenge for those on the spectrum.
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