Ask Amy: New mom is frustrated by her old mom
Dear Amy: My mom and I have had a bumpy relationship ever since my parents got divorced about 10 years ago.
Instead of finding healthy ways to cope, my mother blamed me (and my brother) for her unhappiness during a time when we were trying to get on our feet as adults.
We slowly worked things out and talk by phone a couple of times a week.
I am currently in my early 30s and in the last trimester with my third baby.
Sadly, I lost my first baby at birth, but I do have a toddler at home now, and my mom is back to her old tricks.
She indirectly blames me for her loneliness, even though my husband and I have offered to help her move closer to us (she refused).
She’s started leaving me passive-aggressive voicemails about having to “schedule” time to talk with her daughter (which I do).
I now have health concerns related to my pregnancy. The stress is terrible. I have suggested that she find a therapist, get some fresh air, make a new friend – but she seems to spend a lot of time napping, now that she’s retired. She calls me “disrespectful” for making these suggestions.
I love my mom, but I hate that she always jumps to conclusions and blames me for avoiding her, when really I’m just busy chasing my 2-year-old, heavily pregnant, and not feeling well.
Am I in the wrong here? Should I be making more of an effort to speak to her?
...continued