Life Advice



Ask Amy: A widow can’t quite face FaceTime

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I am a widow. I’ve been in a relationship with “Bernie,” a widower, for nine years. We live quite a distance apart and trade off spending weekends together.

A few years ago, when Bernie established a FaceTime account, he included his late wife “Bernice’s” name on it so that when he FaceTimes with me, the notification comes in as from “BernieandBernice.”

I have asked him to change it, and his reply is that he cannot change it and that he still "cares about her.” Obviously, he does not want to change it.

I take issue with this. It’s as though he is including her in our personal and sometimes intimate conversations.

Bernie says I am too sensitive; I say he is IN-sensitive.

I feel it is disrespectful to me, and also to his late wife.


It hurts me terribly every time I receive a Facetime call from him. I have shed many tears because of this.

And, if he were to email or contact friends of mine through Facetime and the two names appeared this way, I would find it humiliating.

I have told only a few friends about this, who say they would never tolerate such insulting disregard.

What do you suggest?


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