Ask Amy: Widow is caught in a ‘parent trap’
– Hurting
Dear Hurting: For most people, letting go is a process that can only be taken in stages.
For you, letting go would start with you accepting the reality of your situation (you’ve done that). You should then come to grips with the fact that your situation is not likely to change.
You should physically separate (at least temporarily) in order to remove yourself from constant triggers and clear your head.
You should see a lawyer – even if you are not yet emotionally ready to divorce.
You should focus on your mental and physical health. Your body’s reaction to this stress is evidence that it is harming you.
Letting go is an act of courage. It is not necessary to stop loving the person who has hurt you, but it is necessary for you to learn to love and value yourself.
Dear Amy: Like “Stop Haunting my Dreams,” I also had persistent dreams about a long-ago failed relationship.
The dreams only stopped once I ran into the other party and was reminded of what a total jerk she was.
Clearly, I had been holding onto a fantasy. I guess my subconscious was searching for answers. I’m glad I finally received them.
– Free At Last
Dear Free: The objects of our fantasies often do not hold up well in daylight.
========
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
©2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
