Ask Amy: People-pleaser is left in stitches

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on Mar 18, 2023

I hope you will take this episode as an opportunity to adjust your business model.

Dear Amy: Over the years my brother and I have stopped communicating. He is toxic, bossy and creates problems among family members. As a result, we siblings don’t really communicate with him.

We are now all elders – with him being the eldest.

I assume I will out-live him as I am the youngest. As we age, I often wonder what I will do when he passes. Should I go to the funeral of an estranged brother if I have fond memories of our relationship from my childhood and I still have a good relationship with his son? (He also has a daughter who has removed herself from all family communication. No one knows why, but our niece’s silence occurred long before we stopped communicating with our brother.)

I would want to do the right thing by my nephew by supporting him, but I also wouldn’t want to create any problems within my brother’s family.

I and my other siblings and all our children all remain on good terms with family gatherings and communications. I believe I am the only one that attempts to stay in touch with my nephew.

– Anticipating

Dear Anticipating: Unless you strongly suspect that your presence would make things harder for your brother’s family and other survivors, then yes – you should attend his funeral. Be discreet, express your condolences, and do your best to read the room.

Dear Amy: I thought you went way too easy responding to the question from “Worried,” the waitress whose fellow waitress was smoking cigarettes and pot while pregnant. This is child abuse!

– Upset

Dear Upset: While this is definitely unhealthy for both mother and child, I stand by my advice for this co-worker to be nonjudgmental and to try to influence this pregnant woman toward better choices.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)