Ask Amy: Grief without flowers creates a void
Dear Amy: I just lost my first pregnancy to miscarriage about a week ago. This was particularly difficult because my husband and I had been trying for a while and really wanted to be parents.
In all my excitement, I had told everybody I was pregnant, so I then had to go back and let everybody know the bad news.
Everybody expressed their sympathy and asked me if there’s anything they could do.
The honest answer was yes – all I really wanted was flowers so the house could feel beautiful and full of life during this time of sadness.
I thought it sounded rude to ask, since I assumed at least a few of them would send flowers anyway. I thought it would take away from the generosity of the gift if I’d asked for them.
Well, here we are a week later, and my house has no flowers.
I guess I just want to know if I should have asked for the flowers when people asked, “Is there anything I can do?”
It feels even ruder to ask now, and to point out that I really did have silent expectations, and nobody met them.
Should I just go to the store and buy all my own flowers at this point? If this situation ever comes back around, should I just ask for the flowers next time?
– Looking for Grief Etiquette
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