Ask Amy: Dating after divorce exposes extreme vulnerability
I have a therapist who advises me to just have fun, but I’m getting more and more scared as time goes on – and I just want to run and hide.
I’m too old for this silliness! Please help me to see this more clearly.
– Burned
Dear Burned: First of all, this is not “silliness.” For you, fully engaging in a sexual and emotional relationship reveals your extreme vulnerability. This is the ongoing consequence of your previous experience, which you describe as a “prison sentence.”
Yes – your therapist’s advice to “just have fun” is positive and logical. But if you are becoming more afraid of moving forward in a relationship, then your therapist should encourage you to confront and explore your fear. And in my opinion, your fear is also completely logical. If you’ve been in prison, it seems smart to try to avoid incarceration in the future.
Being smitten is such a great feeling to have, but the feeling brings forth a realization of what a great risk it can be to fall for someone. The last time this happened for you, look at what happened!
My advice is to do your best to move forward in this relationship, but to try to view it as part of your process, rather than the terminus of your search for happiness with a new partner. The lack of balance you perceive between you two is a red flag. You already have awareness of that, and so pay attention to your instincts.
The right partner for you will hear your story, accept your challenges, and move forward at a pace that still feels thrilling, but is more comfortable for you.
Dear Amy: I have a friend who is hosting a baby shower for her pregnant daughter.
Her daughter lives out of state, and I have only met her once.
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