Ask Amy: Son declines invitation with a lie
It hurts me that he does not seem to want to see the group, as well as the possibility that he lied to me.
Is this a generational issue, with individuals doing what they want, no matter how much close family would love to see them once a year?
I don't want to create a rift, but I would like to know why they didn't want to attend.
No one is perfect, and I make mistakes, too.
I just wish he would be honest and upfront.
Is it worth asking him about it directly?
– Kentucky Mom
Dear Mom: Your son made an excuse to avoid going to this family party. You later felt compelled to investigate his excuse, which seems to have transformed his excuse into a lie. You should do some honest searching to understand why he doesn’t feel able to tell you the truth. Perhaps he is trying to spare your feelings. Is his cowardice inspired by the way you typically react when told an unpleasant truth?
Yes – people do what they want to do. And they should! You want to attend this family party every year, and he doesn’t.
You should be honest with him, even if he won’t be honest with you.
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