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Ask Amy: Elderly father might be in a romance scam

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Do you think that we should attend, or should we provide the ultimate snub to him, as he doesn't deserve our presence at this funeral?

What say you?

– Upset Ex

Dear Upset: I say that this decision should not in any way be in your hands.

Your daughter is a 50-year-old woman who has the responsibility to make this choice on her own.

You don’t mention anything about what kind of relationship she had with her father.

 

Generally, I do believe that attending a memorial service can help to heal even a complicated emotional connection. It is important to formally say goodbye – even if what you are saying goodbye to is a challenging part of your own fractured history.

Your only job here is to encourage your daughter to make the choice that serves her the best, and to support her choice. Attending this funeral will not erase her wounded feelings. But egging her on to retaliate will not erase her wounded feelings, either – in fact, I believe that an attempt to punish her father (even symbolically) could backfire and amplify her sadness and anger.

Furthermore – given your relationship with and attitude toward the deceased – I’m wondering why your presence at this service is even in play. Regardless of what your daughter decides to do, unless she expressly asks you to attend in order to support her, you should definitely stay home.

Dear Amy: I kindly disagree with your response to “Big Tipper.”

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