Life Advice



Ask Amy: Couple recovering from infidelity experiences setback

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: A couple I know has been married for decades. Seven years ago, the husband had an affair. The wife found out about it when the other woman contacted her to complain about the husband stalking her.

The husband swore it was over and would never happen again.

A few years later, the wife discovered intimate, affectionate text messages between the husband and the other woman. She also learned about clandestine dinners they shared.

After saying yet again that the affair was over, the husband claimed it wasn’t cheating because there was no sex involved.

The husband was eventually able to understand that emotional infidelity is just as egregious as physical infidelity. In order to move forward the wife demanded the husband have no further contact with the other woman.

He promised that if the other woman ever attempted to contact him he would do two things: not engage in any way with the other woman, and immediately inform the wife.


Fast-forward another two years, and the wife learned that the other woman contacted the husband.

The husband proceeded to engage the other woman in a brief conversation and did not inform the wife.

Upon learning of this (months later), the wife was furious and felt betrayed.

The husband thinks this incident is no big deal. He explained that he didn’t hang up on the other woman because he didn’t want to be rude. He feels she should trust him regarding any future contact with the other woman.


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