ArcaMax

If you are having the same sort of experience over and over again, you should take a careful look at whatever (presumably online) venue you are using to meet these men, and see if there are red flags in their profiles that might indicate that they are more interested in sparring than sparking.

During my long-ago journey into online matching, I admit to having experiences similar to yours. It seemed that the people I was meeting were sometimes relitigating their previous relationships. I often felt unduly challenged and tested. Honestly, few of these people seemed actually interested in getting to know me at all.

This might be a function of the speed with which many people approach the matching process. Match, meet, test for compatibility, move on. And the anonymity of social media has transformed some people into conversational jackals.

My take is this: Engaging in a peaceful and informative conversation has always been something of a rarity (yes, it’s an art!). Being with someone who listens with interest, who seems to “see” you, and who can challenge you without raising your hackles – these are qualities you enjoy in your deep and intimate friendships. This is what you’re looking for, and so your best bet might be to move off-line and to join groups and organizations where you can meet and get to know people gradually, IRL (in real life).

Dear Amy: I regularly speak with a person who uses an earphone and mic device so they can talk on their phone while doing other things.

This person does not realize that the speaker picks up ALL noises in their vicinity, which are amplified into my ear.

It's worse than just being on “speaker.”

I have said, several times, "Can we talk when you are not so busy so that I can hear you without all the background noise?” – and get snark in return.

They are so very busy that single-tracking is just not possible, I guess.

I had something important to say one time, and just gave up.

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